Staying PowerНамуна

Day Three

Pre-Decisions 

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5–6; James 3:2, 17–18

Making a specific set of pre-decisions about how you and your spouse will act with each other in crisis can make a significant difference in your relationship. We suggest the following pre-decisions, or some very like them, to help you navigate your way through the next crisis with mutual support:

• I will practice automatic forgiveness. I realize that my spouse is no more perfect than I am—so therefore, in any crises that come our way, I will automatically forgive my spouse’s lapses, weaknesses, errors in judgment, unwise words, and flares of temper, just as I hope my spouse will forgive them in me. 

• I will tame my tongue. I will strive to make my words positive, encouraging, helpful, kind, constructive, and biblical.

• I will persevere through failure. When failure happens, I won’t act or speak as if the sky is falling. I will work with my spouse to regroup, figure out what went wrong, and decide where we go from here. Every failure is a lesson learned, rather than the end of the world, and I will act accordingly. 

• I will respond tenderly to my spouse’s needs. When my spouse asks something of me, when at all possible I will set aside whatever else I am doing and focus single-mindedly on my spouse’s need. 

• I will not expect my spouse to read my mind. If I feel a need for something—whether it be affection, attention, resources of some kind, time, patience, forgiveness—I will take responsibility to express that need and not assume it is already known. 

• I will accept my spouse just as he or she is. My job is not to change my spouse but to love and honor him or her.

• I will address concerns openly. If during a crisis my spouse develops unhealthy coping mechanisms, I will speak up in love, take action, and seek help. 

• I will value what is important to my spouse. If it matters to my spouse, it matters to me. If my partner suggests that we need counseling, I will keep that option open. 

• I will request and honor the advice of my spouse. We are a team, and I will value all input from my spouse before we make a final decision. 

How do you respond to this list of pre-decisions? What is one way you can implement at least one of them this week?