6 Hidden Behaviors That Destroy FamiliesChikamu

Hidden Behavior #5: A Lack of Inclusion 

God created families so that people would naturally have a place where they feel they belong. This is a fundamental human need. Unfortunately, many people fail to include certain relatives in their holiday celebrations and other gatherings. Essentially, they leave them out of family relationships. 

When people neglect to include some family members in activities, it is a recipe for broken ties and damaged emotions. If we don’t feel we belong, we may experience serious negative consequences, including health issues and a breakdown in our mental well-being.

Feeling Left Out

Most people are part of a family, but whether or not they are included in their family will determine if they feel they belong. 

Members who are not invited to family gatherings and activities feel left out and ultimately rejected by their own loved ones. When people are not included in events, it makes them think they aren’t wanted. Whether someone was born into, adopted into, or married into a family, they are family. God does not want any of His children to feel rejected or unwelcome.

In some cases, a person who marries into a family is excluded because their in-laws did not support the marriage. They receive a less-than-warm welcome into the fold. People may stop inviting a newlywed couple to functions because they disapprove of the relationship or simply do not like the person their family member married. The result is that the individual or couple feels rejected and deeply hurt. 

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1–2)

An unwelcoming spirit is not Christlike. God does not want us to judge one another. He calls us to love our family members and treat them with kindness.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. (1 John 4:7 ESV)

Although it might not be people’s intention to exclude anyone, that exclusion still occurs when families neglect to invite some people to an otherwise all-family event. God gave you a particular family for a reason. What you do with your relationships is important to Him and to you. His call to love one another especially applies to the people He has purposefully placed in our lives.

“They Would Say No Anyway”

In other situations, families stop inviting certain members because, due to assumptions or even past experiences, they think the person will decline the invitation anyway. The fact of the matter is that people want to be invited, especially when it comes to family events. Our loved ones like to feel wanted and included. They may not be able to attend, but they still want to be asked. Never make the assumption that someone can’t attend and therefore doesn’t need to be invited. That is a relationship mistake that can hurt your loved ones.

On the flip side, when you are invited to family events, don’t always say no either. Make the effort to be with your family. If you continually decline to attend get-togethers, it makes it hard for those extending the invitations to feel like you want a relationship with them. Relationships take time, energy, and effort. You must take some time to be with your family and participate in family gatherings in order to build and maintain relationships.

Demonstrate Christlike Love

Do any of your loved ones feel they are not being included in get-togethers? You can set the example and be intentional about inviting all your family members to gatherings, exhibiting Christlike love. 

Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. (Romans 15:7 ESV)

Today, think about how you can be more welcoming to all your family members. Go to God in prayer and ask for His wisdom about how you can help your loved ones to feel they belong and are truly wanted.