6 Hidden Behaviors That Destroy FamiliesChikamu

Hidden Behavior #3: Gossip

Can you think of a time when you found out someone said something bad about you behind your back? How did it make you feel? If it made you feel sad, angry, disappointed, or defeated, then know that you are not alone. Many people have felt the same way when others have gossiped about them. Gossip hurts to the core of our heart and soul. 

Gossip is not only tremendously damaging but it is also unproductive. No one can control or change someone else by talking about them.

What Gossip Does to a Family

Gossip can be defined as “idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.” When family members gossip about other family members, they are undermining the confidence and trust that is necessary for healthy, strong relationships. It is difficult to rebuild trust after there has been an incident of gossiping. It is especially difficult to rebuild trust when gossip has become a family practice. Although trust can be restored even after gossip has occurred, it is easier and more advantageous to avoid it altogether. 

The tendency of gossipers is to focus on whoever has the most recent or greatest amount of “dirt” on them to discuss. Gossip often spreads like wildfire in a family. If an atmosphere of gossip is allowed to develop, people become anxious and wonder what is being said about them. They know that gossip is going on because they have heard it. If someone is willing to talk negatively about other family members to us, then they are more than likely talking about us behind our backs too. 

Gossip creates an atmosphere of conflict and taking sides. It causes division, distorts the facts, and compounds the problem. “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). God wants us to have positive relationships with others, especially our family members. We need to understand that gossip will only work to destroy those relationships. 

Jesus taught that we are held responsible for our words:

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak. (Matthew 12:36 ESV)

When we gossip or speak maliciously about our family members, God will hold us accountable for it. If this has been our practice, we need to ask for His forgiveness and change our ways. The next time you feel tempted to gossip, ask God to remind you of what His Word says about the words you speak!

How to Handle Negative Talk

How should we react when other family members gossip in our presence? We must make a commitment not to participate in such negative talk—ever. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29)

Talking about loved ones behind their backs will only cause division. If we have a concern or want to know something about someone, we are to go directly to that person. It is up to them whether or not they want to share the information with us.

Our approach needs to be loving, kind, and gentle. As Ephesians 4:29 explains, we should speak to our family members in a manner that builds them up. Life in this world is hard enough. Our loved ones will often encounter discouragement and defeat. Especially during those times, they should be able to turn to their family for encouragement. When we encourage others, we demonstrate God’s love, and we are being obedient to His Word. 

If your family has a habit of gossiping, you can help to reverse this behavior by not participating when conversations turn negative and by gently steering people in the right direction. You can kindly say to the gossipers, “We probably should not be talking about this person because they would be hurt if they heard what was being said.” You can also ask those who are speaking out of turn to put themselves in the shoes of the individual who is the target of the negative talk, saying something like, “How would you feel if you were the one being spoken about like this?” Another method is to just excuse yourself from the conversation. People will clearly get the message that you will not participate in negative talk.

Set the trend today of diminishing gossip in your family and building up your loved ones!