6 Hidden Behaviors That Destroy FamiliesChikamu

Hidden Behavior #4: Deception

Trust is the rock upon which all relationships exist. If that rock is chipped away among family members by the practice of deception, then over time, the foundation of the family crumbles. However, when a serious form of deception occurs, such as infidelity in a marriage, and that deception is uncovered, the foundation of trust can be broken in an instant. When deception creeps into a family, it can affect future generations.

Restoring Relationships

Although it is not easy to rebuild trust and restore a relationship that has been broken by deception, it is possible. It involves telling the truth, apologizing, and seeking or giving forgiveness. 

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. (Proverbs 10:9)

Usually, family members who are involved in wrongdoing and try to cover their tracks with deception and lies are eventually exposed. They might have had a long-term extramarital affair that is finally uncovered when someone discovers emails between the parties. Or, they might have embezzled funds from a family business, and their misappropriation is unearthed during an audit. 

Often, those who cover up their sins tell themselves their misconduct will not be exposed or that it is for the good of the family that no one find out. However, the fact is that deception and lies are sin. Living a life of integrity in Christ means not covering up our sin. When people who used to have a relationship with God engage in cover-up tactics for years, they grow increasingly distant from the Lord. In such situations, if the person doesn’t repent, it leads to more deception and lies, and thus more sin. God does not want us to live a sin-filled life. 

If you have deceived a family member, seek to restore that relationship. Restoration is possible, but the longer the deception lasts, the more potential it has to create a chasm of distrust. The first step is to repent, turn the sin over to God, and ask for forgiveness.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

As you pray, ask God to help make your heart right with your family member. Ask Him to work in your life so that the deception ends and the relationship can be repaired.

Then, confess your deception to your family member, showing genuine contriteness and a commitment to change, and ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary to the process of reconciling relationships where lies and deception have taken place. 

Forgiving from the Heart

If you are the one who has been lied to or deceived by a loved one, then you are to forgive the other person, as we are commanded to do in Scripture. When we forgive someone, it doesn’t mean we condone their actions. Forgive so that you can live without bitterness and hate. God can help you to do this. Ask Him for His guidance and strength. It is often helpful to find a trusted Christian counselor who can help you through the reconciliation process. Remember that forgiving someone from our heart can take time. Be willing to forgive, and trust God to help you do so.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31–32)