The Lies Couples BelieveChikamu

I’m the King (or Queen) of the World

Lie #4: I’m entitled to what I want from my spouse.

Having the attitude of Christ in marriage means you understand this: you are not now, nor will you ever be, entitled to anything from your spouse. This means do not think you are entitled to your spouse being loving, kind, thoughtful, supportive, fair, sexual, responsible, hardworking, giving, loyal, attentive, or anything else.

Letting go of feeling you are entitled doesn’t mean you let go of wanting or desiring things from your spouse. It is perfectly appropriate to want or desire that your spouse meet your spiritual, emotional, sexual, and financial needs in marriage and to feel disappointed, sad, hurt, and frustrated when he or she doesn’t. Let’s go back to the life of Christ to understand this.

While Christ never felt entitled to anything from others, at times He put His needs in play and hoped they would be met. For example, when His soul was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” about the cross that awaited Him, Christ told His disciples to “stay… and keep watch” while He went off to pray (Mark 14:34). After He finished praying, Christ came back “and found them sleeping” (Mark 14:37). Nevertheless, because Christ didn’t feel entitled to their support, He wasn’t bitter or resentful toward His disciples after they fell asleep when He needed them most.

If you want your marriage to thrive, you must learn to express your needs without feeling entitled to your spouse meeting them. In the days and weeks to come, instead of saying to your spouse, “I expect more time and attention from you than I’ve been getting,” say, “Would you be willing to spend more time with me?” Remember, there is a right way to express your needs to your spouse and to express the hurt and anger you feel when your spouse does not meet them.

I want to challenge you to make a decision right now to drop your attitude of entitlement in your marriage and to adopt an attitude of humility. Instead of demanding, humbly ask your spouse to meet your needs.

God, how incredible it is that You give so much to us but don’t feel owed anything in return. Please help me be more like you, completely humble in spirit. Help me realize that even though I desire love from my spouse, I am to expect nothing from my spouse, that my spouse owes me nothing, and that I am entitled to nothing.