Healing Well And Living FreeChikamu

Day Two

The First Step

Scripture: Psalm 37:3-5

Authentic healing from an abusive relationship begins with telling your story. When you tell your story, even to yourself, you’re taking an honest inventory of where you are, how you have changed, and how living a secret life behind closed doors has altered you. Telling your story gives you power over it and eventually allows you to make peace with it. 

Your story is incredibly significant. And so are you. That may be a tough statement for you to believe right now. Abuse has a way of blinding us to our own value. When we experience abuse, our tendency is to withdraw into a dark, private corner, fearful that anyone may further hurt us. 

At this point, you may feel as if you have little belief left in you. How can you believe in anything when you are broken and empty, with no energy left to imagine life can ever get better? Or maybe you’re wondering if you will ever feel joy, peace, or happiness again. How can you believe in a life after abuse? For now, know that I believe in you. And in time, you can learn to believe in yourself. Until then, believe in my belief.

If I could sit down with you today, I would encourage you with this: it’s time to tell your story, at least to yourself. You’re ready.

One of my clients put it this way: “Now that I’ve begun to talk with you about my story and write about it, I no longer feel like a character in somebody else’s story. I used to see my husband as so much larger than life. I thought someday books would be written about him, and I’d be ‘his wife.’ I’m only beginning to understand that my story is mine.” 

In my own life, God used what felt like a personal failure to bring about something beautiful. My children and I are a living testimony to the fact that not only do miracles happen, but they are also not intended to be kept in a box for ourselves. By telling our stories, we can discover that our pain has purpose. 

Begin writing your story. You might include details about how you met, what attracted you to him, when your relationship changed or had warning signs, or times when you realized he was abusive.

NOTE: I recognize and fully acknowledge that abuse takes place in all sorts of relationships. My heart breaks for all victims. However, because the majority of abusers are male and the majority of victims are female (of domestic violence victims, 85% are female and 15% are male [Source: Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence ]), I have utilized the pronouns “she” to represent the victim, and “he” to represent an abuser. This is not meant to disregard the pain experienced by male victims. Domestic violence is a crime regardless of one’s gender. All victims matter. All deserve to be acknowledged and believed.