Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge Sample

Today we're talking about a simple no-nonsense approach to starting and maintaining an accountability friendship.

Randy Alcorn, author of The Purity Principle, levels the playing field when he writes:

“I need accountability, you need it, your pastor needs it, your spouse needs it, and your kids need it. Everyone does. When I'm pursuing secret sin, the last thing I want to do is be with serious Christians. The time I most need accountability is the time I'll most likely withdraw from it” (p. 87).

Admitting you need accountability doesn't mean you're extraordinarily screwed up. It means you're a sinful human being like all of us (Romans 3:23, 1 John 1:8).

But where do you start? Who do you ask? What do you say? How do you bring it up?

1. Make a list of your friends serious about their faith.

Christian family members, church friends, or old Christian friends from the past (high school, college, etc.)

2. Narrow the list to those you genuinely like to talk to.

Who do you “click” with?

3. Talk to that person about meeting together for prayer and Bible study.

This can be as simple as meeting to talk about what each of you are learning about God. The goal is to start a regular (weekly) rhythm of discussion about the things of God.

4. As you meet, be intentional about confession.

After you start meeting, intentionally bring up the subject of confession. Tell your friend, “I would like us to be intentional about checking in with each other, really talking about the struggles we’ve had or the temptations we’ve faced.” Then do it. Make sure not to crowd that check-in time with chitchat or even good spiritual discussion.

5. Give the gift of “going second.”

It’s hard to go first. So give your partner the gift of going second—be the first to talk about something you’re truly not proud of. Resist the urge to only share your socially acceptable sins. When you talk about something ugly—when you set the bar of honesty really high—you set a tone that invites your partner to really share his or her heart.