Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge Sample

Day 34: The core of real accountability: friendship

If we want to experience the fruit of accountability long term, those who hold us accountable need to become more like wise friends—brothers and sisters who not only confront our sins, but love us (Proverbs 19:20, 27:6, 27:17, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

So how can our accountability partners help push us forward in love? Counselor Brad Hambrick proposes five questions for them to ask:

1. What are you doing to enjoy life?

A friend who spurs you to avoid sinful pleasures should, just as passionately, call you to pursue legitimate ones. “Shooting the breeze” about your favorite hobby is not just wasting time while your waiter brings your breakfast; it’s part of the accountability relationship.

2. What new stressors are entering your life?

Sin is frequently an escape more than it is a pursuit. We need to know what we want to escape. Often, just knowing someone else understands our stresses is a huge relief.

3. Would you like to “just hang out”?

If accountability partners only spend time together “doing accountability,” then their relationship will likely begin to feel like a “sin-hunt.” The purpose of the relationship will be called into question during extended periods of time when our sin of choice is absent.

Having times when you “hang out” is vital to accountability providing the long-term protection desired when people enter these kinds of relationships.

4. Who or what is getting too much air time in your thought life right now?

Too often our thought life can become fixated on cravings or ambition, allowing temptation to gain significant momentum before we begin to resist it as temptation. Knowing you’ll be asked reminds you to pay attention.

5. What are you passionate about? How is it going?

Part of what sin does is rob us of the time and energy that God desires us to invest in the things He made us to be passionate about.

For many people it is helpful to realize that purity is an investment as much as an outcome. Purity is investing our lives in the things that really matter more than it’s the avoidance of particular activities; otherwise, couch potatoes would be saints. For achievement-oriented people, this realization can add to their motivation to pursue purity.

Reflection

What can you do to make your accountability relationships more like genuine friendships?