Becoming Like Jesus: CommunitySample

A Better Way to Fight

Pray …

Heavenly Father, thank You that I get to know You. Thank You for blessing me with life and salvation and purpose. I want to walk like You walked, Jesus. Open my eyes to opportunities to love like You in every conversation and interaction today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Consider …

When was the last time you had a fight with a friend? How did you feel? There was probably tension in your body and a lot of unpleasant emotions trying to get your attention. Those moments are anything but fun. What if there’s a way to reframe this experience? What if, when done well, there’s greater strength and a deeper bond on the other side of a disagreement?

Whether you are someone who tends to avoid conflict at all costs or someone who plunges into a fight head-on before you even know what it’s really about, we can all grow to look more like Jesus in this area. We can get a little more humble. A little more others-focused. And a little more loving—if we’re willing to set aside our preferences and put in the work.

Here are three simple mindsets for navigating conflict well:

1. Seek reconciliation quickly

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 NLT

This is Jesus telling us that it is more important to make things right with someone we’ve offended than to give money at church. Let that sink in.

The truth is, we can’t be right with God and wrong with people at the same time. That would be like you telling your best friend that you love them but hate their kids. It doesn’t work that way.

When you’re navigating conflict, own up to where you’ve messed up. Don’t wait around and just hope things get better. Initiate reconciliation. Go first. And remember, the person you’re talking to is God’s kid. You express your love for Him in how you treat that person.

2. Restore others humbly and gently

When you’ve owned what’s yours to own, you’re going to work to restore things humbly and gently.

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Galatians 6:1 NLT

When you’re navigating conflict, ask yourself the question: How would I want someone to handle this situation if I were the one in the wrong?

You’d probably want someone to point it out. In other words, you’d want them to restore you humbly and gently. These words from Paul are all about loving people the way you’d want to be loved.

So, when someone has done something wrong or hurt you, recognize you aren’t immune to doing the same thing. This will help you have empathy in your conversation and remind you that you are also someone who needs the grace and mercy of Jesus. That empathy will help you speak gently instead of harshly, so you can talk to them like you’d want someone to talk to you.

3. Fight for something, not against someone

Finally, in moments of conflict, reframe by choosing to fight together for something instead of against someone. Paul reminds us:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

So, instead of fighting against people, we fight together. We fight for the other person. We fight for unity. We fight for peace and reconciliation. We fight to show the world that there is something better and more beautiful than broken relationships and loneliness.

Because even in conflict and disagreement, we can learn to love others the way Jesus loves us. And when we do, the watching world will see His grace at work in us. They will see that we fight for each other because Jesus fought for us.

Practice …

In a journal, your notes app, or the discussion portion of this Bible Plan, write down your answers to these questions:

What is the Holy Spirit speaking to you? How have you handled conflict in the past? What were the results? What’s something you want to do differently moving forward? How will you practice?

Listen …

Find a quiet place where you can continue to spend time with God. Maybe you have a favorite chair, a certain spot in your backyard, or a particularly cozy closet. Wherever you need to go to limit distractions, do it.

Set a timer for 5-10 minutes.

Ask God to speak to you.

When you get distracted in your mind, and you will, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, use it as a chance to practice coming back to Jesus by praying this prayer:

Lord Jesus, have mercy on me. Heavenly Father, speak to me. Holy Spirit, breathe on me.

When the timer ends, thank God for the time you spent together and go into your day looking for opportunities to love Him and love others.