Becoming Like Jesus: CommunitySample

Navigating Conflict

Pray …

Heavenly Father, thank You that when I mess up, You pursue me with love and grace. You never get tired of bringing me home. When people offend me, help me to reflect Your incredible mercy and to respond to them as You respond to me. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Consider …

So far in this Plan, we’ve talked a lot about what community is, why it matters so much, and the challenges we may face as we learn to love people as Jesus did. But, what about the inevitable moment when conflict arises? When they say “that” thing that sets you off? When a line gets crossed? When someone actually does something that’s not okay? What do we do then?

Today, we’re tackling a couple more myths related to friendship and conflict. First up is this one:

Myth #6: When someone offends me, I have the right to cancel them.

One of the easiest ways to discover if you are really following Jesus or just admiring Him is what you do when someone hurts you—because some of Jesus’ most difficult and radical teachings were about responding to hurt and offense. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus addresses the way we tend to think by saying:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48 NIV

If you only love people who love you—when it’s easy, when they do what you want them to do and don’t cause you any inconvenience—are you really loving people? Is it real love if it doesn’t cost you? If it’s still all about you?

Consider Jesus. If God had decided to cancel people anytime we hurt or offended Him, we’d have no hope. We offend the heart and break the law of God every day. And yet, Jesus is still inviting us back to the purpose we were created for—to reflect the image of our gracious God. The God who had every right to cancel us, but instead chose to forgive us.

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Luke 23:33-34 NIV

Jesus laid down His life to save us. If God responds to offense with grace on top of the grace He’s already given, that’s what we are called to do, too.

Most of the time, forgiveness comes at great personal cost. When we choose to follow Jesus, we are giving up our right to get even. That means if someone hurts you, you don’t hurt back. When someone starts that rumor about you, you don’t try to find a way to destroy their credibility. When they post something that embarrasses you, you don’t dig for something worse you can post about them.

Instead, you respond with love—with grace and truth. Instead of punishing them, you pray for them. Because when you’ve received mercy from God, you show mercy to others.

The next myth about friendship and conflict is:

Myth #7:If we’re doing this whole community thing right, we’ll never have conflict.

Think about this … even Jesus’ community wasn’t free from conflict.

One time, two of Jesus’ best friends came to Him with their mom and asked to have the positions of highest honor in His kingdom.

When the ten other disciples heard what James and John had asked, they were indignant. Mark 10:41 NLT

The other guys were livid! They were disappointed, angry, shocked, and hurt that their friends would go behind their backs and do something just to make things better for themselves. Sound like anything you’ve ever experienced?

Don’t miss this. These are Jesus’ best friends. They got to see everything He did and hear every lesson He taught. And they still had conflict. Their community was not perfect. Even after Jesus rose from the dead and the Holy Spirit came, Paul had to call out Peter to his face. And Barnabas had such a sharp disagreement with Paul that they stopped traveling together.

Doing community Jesus’ way does not mean you will never have conflict. You’re still human beings with different perspectives, pasts, triggers, and trauma. And yet, Jesus said that the whole world would know who He is by the way we love each other. So when we have conflict, and we will, we get to respond with real love and show the world who Jesus is.

Tomorrow, we’re going to walk through how to navigate conflict in a way that points people to the beautiful, upside-down kingdom of God. For now, journal about what God is saying to you today.

Practice …

In a journal, your notes app, or the discussion portion of this Bible Plan, write down your answers to these questions:

Who do you need to forgive? What would it look like to relinquish your right to get even with them? Write out some things that God has forgiven you for. In light of the mercy He’s shown you, go show mercy to that person.

Listen …

Find a quiet place where you can continue to spend time with God. Maybe you have a favorite chair, a certain spot in your backyard, or a particularly cozy closet. Wherever you need to go to limit distractions, do it.

Set a timer for 5-10 minutes.

Ask God to speak to you.

When you get distracted in your mind, and you will, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, use it as a chance to practice coming back to Jesus by praying this prayer:

Lord Jesus, have mercy on me. Heavenly Father, speak to me. Holy Spirit, breathe on me.

When the timer ends, thank God for the time you spent together and go into your day looking for opportunities to love Him and love others.