Becoming Like Jesus: CommunitySample

Healing From Past Hurt

Pray …

Heavenly Father, thank You that You are the God of all hope. Thank You that You stand ready to forgive and heal. I come to You today, openly and honestly. Search my heart. Make me whole. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Consider …

We’ve laid the foundation for friendship. Starting by busting the myths that we just don’t have time for community, that it’s too hard, and that it should actually be easy. What we know is it will be hard, but Jesus has given us His example and called us friends, so we can face the hard parts of pursuing community with a peace that only comes from Him.

What gets in the way of us living in community with others are the biases we’ve built up over time. Let’s talk about it by busting this myth:

Myth #3: There are no good people to be friends with.

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him. While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:9-13 NIV

Matthew was a tax collector. People hated tax collectors. They were considered sellouts among their own people because they worked for the Roman oppressors. And Jesus picked this guy as a friend and follower. Why? When people asked Him, He said, “It’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”

What can this teach us about making friends? Maybe that we’re looking for the wrong things. Maybe we have the wrong expectations.

Now, what Jesus isn’t saying is to be besties with people who are living lives that are in no way aligned with following Jesus. Remember, Matthew got up from the tax booth and started following Jesus.

He’s teaching us not to write people off because of what they’ve done, and that the best friendships are marked by mercy.

In the kingdom of God, we don’t get to write someone off because of what they’ve done or where they came from. The grace of Jesus is way too good for that. We have all sinned and failed to live up to our calling as God’s image bearers. So, if you wait around for a friend who checks every box of perfection, you will literally never be friends with another human. You have to adjust your expectations. Start by learning to see yourself truly, as someone in desperate need of Jesus’ grace. When you do, you will start to see others more compassionately and find friends in places you didn’t expect.

Look for people, like Matthew, who are marked by mercy—people who recognize how undeserving they are to have been chosen by Jesus and are grateful every day to be His friend. Look for people who have been set free by Jesus. Those are friends who will change the world with you.

Here’s another myth we need to talk about:

Myth #4: My past hurts make friendship unsafe.

Because Jesus was a Jewish rabbi, it would have been really easy for Matthew to assume that Jesus was going to do what so many of the other Jewish religious leaders had done: use him, a tax collector, as an example of what not to do or who to be like.

There’s no question that Matthew had been burned before. And he was probably tempted to put his walls up and armor on as soon as Jesus looked at him. But, instead of making Matthew the illustration in a sermon, Jesus gave him a demonstration of God’s love.

Often, our past pain is the biggest barrier to making good friends. Because of what’s happened to us before, we put up walls to protect us from being hurt again—without realizing that those same walls are preventing us from being healed.

As He did with Matthew, Jesus wants to heal you and make you a part of His family.

You’re seen by Jesus. You are loved by Him. When you are hurt, He longs to heal you.

What this story shows us is that there is a better way to respond to our pain and the pain of other people than by building walls and running from relationships.

What do we do instead? Learn from Jesus. Watch how He made friends. Confront the lies the snake may have whispered to you over time. Let the love of God heal the hurt in your heart. Then, go love people just like that. Because after Jesus heals you, He will send you out to be a healer. That’s exactly what He did with Matthew.

In the very next chapter, Jesus sends out His twelve disciples, Matthew included, and tells them to “‘Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give’” (Matthew 10:8 NIV).

Later, to this same group of His friends, He tells them, “‘Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends’”(John 15:13 NIV).

Then, He went and did just that. He laid down His life for all of us through His sacrificial death on the cross. He is the ultimate example of a great friend.

What would it look like to become friends with Him? How would that impact every other relationship in your life? More on that tomorrow.

Practice …

In a journal, your notes app, or the discussion portion of this Bible Plan, write down your answers to these questions:

What wall is Jesus inviting you to tear down? Where does He want to heal your heart? Ask Him to do that as you pray today.

Listen …

Find a quiet place where you can continue to spend time with God. Maybe you have a favorite chair, a certain spot in your backyard, or a particularly cozy closet. Wherever you need to go to limit distractions, do it.

Set a timer for 5-10 minutes.

Ask God to speak to you.

When you get distracted in your mind, and you will, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, use it as a chance to practice coming back to Jesus by praying this prayer:

Lord Jesus, have mercy on me. Heavenly Father, speak to me. Holy Spirit, breathe on me.

When the timer ends, thank God for the time you spent together and go into your day looking for opportunities to love Him and love others.