Marriage on the Edge Sample

Sex on the Edge

The verses we read today from Song of Solomon give us a picture of both spouses enjoying a vibrant sex life together. Your sex life may not be - or ever have been - what you thought it would be. But sex is part of God’s design for marriage. It is God who made us so we could unite as one. “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united as one.” Genesis 2: 24 Don’t leave sex out of your marriage.

So where do you start?

First, it is essential to get on the same page with frequency. When you begin to talk about frequency, start by defining what is your normal. Don’t compare your marriage with anyone else’s. Every couple is unique, therefore what works for them is unique to them and their life together. What works for the two of you in this season of your marriage?

Second, If you were to make a checklist of what goes into quality sex for you, what would be on your list? In marriage, we talk about these things. You will each have your own perspective, wants and needs, so this is a great area to consider each other’s wants above your own. Learn all you can about what makes your spouse feel wanted, loved and desired, and seek to love them well.

Third, what gets in the way of having the sexual relationship you both want? What hurdles do you need to face, deal with, and overcome together? Talk about them so you can develop a game plan to deal with them together.

Your goal is to begin talking about your sex life so healing can take place and so your sex life will get better. Don’t lose sight of that goal. In these conversations, be very intentional: No distractions, listen well, make sure you understand what the other is saying. Don’t try to solve everything or talk about everything at one time. If the conversation starts to go sideways at any point, take a few minutes to calm down separately, then reconvene. Always, define next steps. Then set a time to follow up and continue to make any necessary adjustments.

The sexual relationship in marriage is a God-given gift that allows spouses to serve and care for each other intimately. Marriage gives us opportunity after opportunity to “lay down” our pride and preferences to serve our spouse with the selfless love that Jesus demonstrated, as we read in John 15:13. Don’t leave the goal of loving selflessly out of the bedroom! Ask God to help you experience all He has for you together, and pay attention to what he shows you.

Next Steps:

• Decide together on the frequency of sex in your marriage and then make your plan in carrying that out. When? Where? Spontaneous or scheduled? What obstacles could get in the way of this?
• Together make your list of what you want to be a part of your sex life. Quality means that you both enjoy the experience.
• Identify any hurdles that can get in the way of improving your sex life and then overcome them together.