Marriage on the Edge Sample

Communication on the Edge

If I asked you to rate the communication in your marriage today on a one to ten scale, with ten being great, where would you rate it? Maybe at one time in your marriage you would have given your communication high marks but today, my guess is your rating is low. Probably very low.

Healthy communication makes a difference in marriages. Couples feel heard, understood and valued. You probably have low marks on each of those too. You may be discouraged, but there is hope. You can communicate better. Your communication can be a positive part of your marriage. Your communication can grow your marriage.

In Psalms 19:14, David writes, “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” I pray these words every day! I have not always done this but I do now. The difference it has made truly amazes me. Think about it. My words flow out from what is in my heart. If my heart’s thoughts are pleasing to God, then my words will be also. Healthy communication in my marriage starts in my heart.

Now take the time to rate the communication in your marriage as you see it today. Be completely honest. Even if the numbers are not good, we have to have a starting place.

What was your rating? Say your rating was a 1 or a 2. What would it take for it to become a 4 or a 5? I know that is not a 9 or 10, but it’s a move in the right direction and will get to the 9 or 10. I want you to think about this as a complete makeover of your communication starting in your heart.

Let’s start with the only person you can change: you.

How does your spouse view you? What are the qualities your spouse sees in you? This is so important because how we view our spouse plays a huge role in how we frame them in our mind, and how we frame them in our mind becomes the filter through which we pass their words and actions.

Proverbs 18:22 says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” Our spouse is a treasure. That is how God wants us to view them and when we do, we receive God’s favor. What is God’s favor? It is when God gives us the ability to do something which is humanly impossible.

You may be starting this communication build at ground zero, where there is absolutely nothing and everything seems impossible. But we are not alone. God is right there to help us to accomplish the impossible. John 1:16 tells us that “from His fullness, we all have received “grace upon grace.” By receiving God’s grace, you will be able to show grace toward your spouse.

The day you married you wanted your marriage to be healthy and full of love and trust. That is what God still has for you!

Next Steps:

• How do you view your spouse? What qualities do you see in your spouse? Do you need to reframe them in your mind to improve your marriage? How can you do this practically? Begin to pray Psalm 19:14 every day.
• How can you better accept your spouse for who they are?
• On a scale of 1-10 how much do you trust your spouse? What needs to happen in order to get that number higher?
• How can you show compassion to your spouse?