Optimize healing by focusing on you.

I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not my fault.

If I had a dollar for every time I directly or indirectly blamed my former spouse for the misery caused by my divorce, I’d be rich. Blaming the other party for your pain is a very normal human response, but it doesn’t move you toward restoration or help you find hope. God calls us higher than that (Ephesians 4:29). Each person plays a role in the destruction of a marriage. No matter whose actions hold more weight, the only way to optimize your healing and begin rebuilding your life's ruins is to focus on yourself.

After you’ve mourned the loss of the marriage, let go of the dream in exchange for God’s new vision for your life. You have to focus on yourself. What do you need? What places feel empty now that the marriage is gone? Are you struggling with your identity? Are you confused and nervous about the future? Have you lost your faith? Put all these things before the Lord in prayer (Philippians 4:6-7) and wait for His direction.

When healing is your priority, God may lead you to read the scriptures, forgiveness, prayer, therapy, or even begin a new healthy eating regimen. God wants you to entrust your entire life to Him. That includes your spiritual, physical, and even social self. Building up these areas will inevitably help you to renew your strength (Isaiah 40:31). Renewed strength is exactly what you need to rebuild your ruins and restore hope in your new life.

The early months of a divorce can feel a lot like an open wound. When one area of the body is wounded, you apply pressure to stop the bleeding, forcing you to utilize other areas of your body to compensate for the loss of use in the wounded area. Applying pressure to the wound of divorce feels like everything is falling apart.

Thankfully God designed our bodies so that we are alerted with pain to know what areas need the most focus. Consider the pressures and pains of divorce as your indicator that you need to focus on healing other internal areas of your life to maintain balance instead of focusing on your former relationship.

Healing is for you. The only way to truly heal is to cast every care and anxiety onto God (1 Peter 5:7), then focus on healing you.

Prayer:

Most gracious Heavenly Father, I come to you with a repentant heart. I humbly repent for every word and deed that I have done to prevent your holy healing of my life. Please forgive me for losing sight that every situation I encounter is touched by God. I am not forsaken. I am not forgotten. I am not fighting this battle alone. You are with me, God. You alone have the power to heal me. Heal me, oh Lord, and I will be healed (Jeremiah 17:14). I trust you with every piece of my broken heart, God. Please show me how to focus on myself and make healing my priority with the power of your Grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Reflection Questions:

1. Take a moment to dream. What does your new restored life look and feel like?
2. Name your wounded areas. What parts of you need God’s attention most right now?