Participation is Key

Once the wedding cake becomes a distant memory and dirty laundry more the reality, loving each other in a marriage relationship begins to feel more dissonant than first experienced. The days grow long with extensive responsibilities. In fact, I know few Christian women who spend their time doing whatever they want. Every day there are essentials left undone. 

In all things that make up your life together, your wife would like your help. Actually, she wants your participation, but she can’t ask you without sounding like your mother. What your bride does NOT desire is for you to check out emotionally and physically, aggravated and bothered. 

Loving each other the way God intends requires doing the nitty gritty together. This element of relationship may take several starts and restarts, but a good way to begin is with a discussion. Talk about what you are observing that needs to be done along with the dual responsibilities shared. Ask her the best way to participate to get everything accomplished. This approach enables you to lead with open opportunities for coming to a workable plan. 

Allow me to offer a word of caution. Please be patient. To be frank, for the first several starts and restarts, your help might not be helpful. Your approach may upset the oiled machine. Her response may be hurtful or vice versa. She also might not have confidence in your motives. A truckload of emotional baggage could burst open across the room, especially if she works outside the home, or has picked up the same bucket of toys 40 times previously that day.

Tim Hawkins, the Christian comedian, captures this Big One precisely when he performs his original song, “I’ll Cleanup for You.” He sings about romancing his wife of twenty years, not with traditional candles, flowers, or cuddling on the couch, but by knowing what she really wants. Grasping a vacuum, that man gets to work without being asked or given a task in order to enchant his bride. Hawkins has learned a thing or two about loving his wife to the bottom of the stacks of dirty laundry. 

Your wife wants your participation. 

Ask the Lord how to lead out on this in your home. Then see how He will have you demonstrate your love for her through the daily grind of life. 

You may be surprised what good comes from your unsolicited participation.