Selfishness

Selfishness is “a concern for one’s welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others: excessive interest in oneself.” Being concerned for yourself isn’t wrong, but being excessively or exclusively concerned with oneself is. Showing yourself self-love or self-compassion is not selfish. Wanting to do well isn’t wrong; being consumed with your advantage or doing well while disregarding others is wrong. Do you see how there’s a difference in the extremes?

At certain times, we could stand to love ourselves a bit more.

Remember, the second commandment has two commands folded within it: love yourself and others, but you will only be able to love others as well as you love yourself. This means self-love, self-care, and self-compassion aren’t bad concepts brought to us by the self-help world. They are encouraged, actually commanded concepts from the Father. But that doesn’t mean we should slip into the other extreme and default to selfishness. Instead, we are to look out for others just like we look out for ourselves, remembering that God the Father is always looking out for us the way He looks out for even the tiniest sparrow in the field.

As we move forward, we do so by loving God with all we are, learning to love ourselves, and choosing to love others well. With this foundation, we will see God do a work that only He can do!

This isn’t a checklist. This isn’t something you pass or fail. It is a map to show us the way to love others. Just as I don’t love my husband, Chris, perfectly today, even a decade and a half into marriage, you won’t love people perfectly after you finish reading this. However, we will love people better—progress, not perfection—a balance of grace and discipline.

Are there certain environments or relationships in which you bend toward selfishness? Identify these as specifically as possible. How can you surrender your selfishness to trust that God will see to it you have everything you need?