Unforgiveness and Bitterness

You’ve likely heard that holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness, even when justified, hurts the one who holds it far more than it ever hurts the other person. I’ve watched that happen in my own life and the lives of others.

Too many Christians force forgiveness because they believe they have to. But forgiveness isn’t shoving feelings down and forcing “I forgive you” through clenched teeth. Forgiveness is more than words uttered from your lips and much more about your heart releasing what has been weighing you down. Forgiveness is a choice and a process that sometimes takes time to deal with wounds. Instead of experiencing forgiveness as healing, I’ve seen too many people hurting over suppressed unforgiveness.

Multiple rounds of forgiveness may be necessary for significant offenses. Sometimes just the thought or sight of something retriggers the pain, and we must pause and pray again. Forgiveness is taking the burden off your shoulders and sending it on its way. As we work on forgiveness, bitterness often lessens and goes away.

I have long worked on someone who inflicted terrible trauma on me. During one session with God, I prayed, “Lord, help me to forgive this person.” My lips quivered, my head shook back and forth, and tears streamed down my face. I said out loud, “No. No, I can’t forgive this. It’s unforgivable.” Then a calling to forgive washed over me again. I sensed God’s love, which covers all offenses. I chose again to give this hurt to Him. Again, I let go of my anger. Again, I spoke forgiveness over one memory after another.

Give yourself time and grace as you deal with unforgiveness. I don’t believe that time heals all wounds, but I do believe that God can heal all wounds, physical and emotional. Instead of shoving things down or pushing through on your own, trust God to do the healing.

Do you have unresolved bitterness or unforgiveness in your heart? Ask God to help you forgive and to show you what loving the forgiven person looks like.