What Is Real Love? A Guide to 1 JohnSample

1 John 3:11-18

11 This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12 We must not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and killed his brother. And why did he kill him? Because Cain had been doing what was evil, and his brother had been doing what was righteous. 13 So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.

14 If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead. 15 Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them.

16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?

18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 1 John 3:11-18 NLT

Pray: Father in Heaven, thank you for being in charge and seeing things as they really are. Even when things look blurry to me, I can trust you to see clearly. Help me to see what you see. Specifically, help me to see people the way you see them so that I can love them the way you love them. I want to be filled with compassion and moved to action when I see others in need. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The life we have tomorrow is built on the choices we make today. When we choose to live as Jesus people, we build lives that are better than we can imagine. When we choose to live as people of the world, we build lives that will turn us into something we never wanted to be. Today, John shows us an example of someone whose choices created a life for them that they likely never saw coming, and they certainly never wanted.

11 This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 1 John 3:11 NLT

John is once again reminding his original readers and us that God’s command has not changed. Then and now, we are to love one another.

12 We must not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and killed his brother. And why did he kill him? Because Cain had been doing what was evil, and his brother had been doing what was righteous. 1 John 3:12 NLT

Here, John goes all the way back to the story of Cain and Abel found in Genesis 4. It’s the story of two brothers. Cain, the older brother, was a farmer and Abel, the younger brother, was a shepherd. Both brothers bring an offering to God. Cain brings “some of his crops” to God. Abel brings “the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock.” Abel’s offering was accepted, but Cain’s wasn’t. Cain, overcome by jealousy and rage and consumed by sin, lured his brother out into the fields and murdered him.

John is warning us not to be like Cain because Cain belonged to the evil one. Remember what we learned yesterday? Who we belong to shapes who we become. When we belong to Jesus, we become more like Jesus. When we belong to the devil, we become more like the devil. That’s exactly what happened to Cain. And that’s why he killed his brother. He had been doing what was evil. Cain had made sin a habit. So much so that the decision to kill his own brother seemed natural.

Don’t miss the wisdom John is sharing with us. Every decision we make shapes the person we become. Every choice we make is like casting a vote for the version of ourselves we will turn into. Everything we do is either forming us into the image of Jesus or deforming us into the image of the devil.

Cain’s choices made him a slave to sin and a servant of the devil. But Abel’s choices were different. And it’s because his choices were different, that he became the target of Cain’s hatred.

13 So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.1 John 3:13 NLT

Good and evil don’t see eye-to-eye. Light and darkness don’t make great friends. Righteousness and wickedness will never ever mesh together.

When we commit ourselves to the Kingdom of God, the world won’t like it. Because we are choosing to be a people ruled by God and fueled by love. And the world, a society ruled by the devil and fueled by sin, quite literally opposes everything that God stands for.

Including you. When you choose to live for Jesus, the world won’t like it. You will face resistance. For most of us, it will look like pressure. For some of us, it may be full-on persecution. No matter what though, we can be confident knowing that if we are being attacked by the world, it’s because it sees us as a threat. And when the world meets us with hate, we can choose to respond with love.

14 If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead. 1 John 3:14 NLT

Our new life in Christ is demonstrated when we choose to love our Christian brothers and sisters. If we don’t love each other, then something is seriously wrong. So wrong that John says we’re actually still dead.

15 Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them.1 John 3:15 NLT

According to John, hating another Christian makes us a “murderer at heart”. Before we go any further, we’ve got to clarify two things: 1. What is hate? 2. What does he mean when he says heart?

When the authors of the Bible mention love, they’re talking about so much more than strong feelings, romantic affections, and positive thoughts. Love is a choice. In the same way, when the Bible talks about hate, it is so much more than just being really upset with someone. Hate goes beyond our feelings about another person in the moment. Hate is a choice.

The word in Greek that gets translated into heart (kardia) can refer to the organ that pumps blood through the body of a mammal, and it can also refer to the innermost part (the core) of our being.

In modern culture, when people talk about the heart, they’re usually talking about the place where their emotions and passions come from. In Scripture, when people talk about the heart, they’re talking about the place where our choices and decisions are made.

Now, let’s bring these two ideas together. When John says that anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer at heart, he is saying they have made a choice, at the very core of their being, to hold death in their heart. And if you’re holding death in your heart, then there’s not going to be any room for life to be in you.

Even if the action is never carried out, a decision has already been made. A decision to will the death of another person. And it’s at the moment of that decision, to devalue the life of an innocent person, that we are turning our backs on God and pledging allegiance to the devil; proving that God’s life is not in us.

But thankfully, Jesus overcame all of that through the greatest act of love the world has ever seen.

16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16 NLT

How can we know what real love is? By looking at Jesus. He is the embodiment of perfect love. He came full of grace and truth. And He showed us what real love is by sacrificing Himself for us.

Real love is not using people or things to get what we want. Real love is choosing to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others.

That’s where following Jesus will take us. That’s the kind of person following Jesus will make us. This is the Jesus way of life. A life centered on the love of God and directed towards the good of others.

17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? 1 John 3:17 NLT

Here, John gets really practical. If a fellow Christian is in need, and we have the ability to help them, but we don’t, then is God’s love really in us? Are we really loving them as God has commanded us to? The answer is obviously no.

Because love is not about having romantic feelings, positive thoughts, or strong affections for someone. All of those things may be a part of love, but they certainly aren’t the heart of real love. Real love is a choice to sacrifice ourselves for the good of another.

18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 1 John 3:18 NLT

John is pulling out all the stops to make sure we will understand that love is not just what we think or how we feel; love is what we do and how we live. Love, choosing to put the good of another person before our own, is at the very core of discipleship.

Because discipleship is the process of becoming like Jesus for the sake of others. And every choice Jesus made was a choice to love God and love others.

43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” Matthew 5:43-44 NLT

Application: Check your heart. Is there anyone you hate? Is there anyone who you hope will have bad things happen to them? A family member? A person from school or work? Maybe it’s a celebrity or politician? Whoever it is, make a choice to pray for God to bless them. Then, go out of your way to do something kind for them.