What Is Real Love? A Guide to 1 JohnSample

1 John 4:7-13

7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 1 John 4:7-13 NLT

Pray: Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing me into your family. I once was lost, but now I’m found. I found real love when you found me. Lord Jesus, thank you for sacrificing yourself for my sins. Because you gave your life for me, I give my life to you. Holy Spirit, transform my desires and guide my decisions so that my life is the proof that I am united to you. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Want to take a guess on what this passage is all about? If you count it up, the word “love” is mentioned 13 times in these 7 verses! John is inviting us to discover the truth about love, where it comes from, and what it really is. Let’s dive in.

7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 NLT

The opening verse in the passage is full of callbacks. Remember when John reminded us of an old command that Jesus made new? “Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment—to love one another—is the same message you heard before.” 1 John 2:7 NLT

Jesus lived the truth of this command perfectly, so on this journey of becoming like Jesus for the sake of others, we are to continue to love one another. And the really good news is that we don’t have to manufacture love on our own. Love comes from God. He is the source, and it’s His Spirit living in us that produces the love that flows through us (Galatians 5:22-23 NLT).

The other callback from John is the reminder that we are God’s children. Jesus has invited us to join the family of God and experience the love of the Father. What we know about kids is that they learn by mimicking what they see. So, the most significant indicator that we belong to God is the way we love others. We’ve watched our Dad do it, we know Him and His love, so we show His love to others.

8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8 NLT

Okay, wait! The temptation is real to skip to the end of this verse because we all really like that part, but don’t miss John’s confrontational claim. He’s saying the opposite of what he said in verse 7. If the way we love is the clearest indicator of our belonging to and God, then the further from Him we are, the less loving we will be.

Think of it like being close to a campfire. The closer you are, the warmer you’ll be. But the more distance between you and the source of heat, the less heat you’ll feel. God is the source of love. It starts with Him and comes from Him. The closer we are to Him, the more love we will have and the more loving we will be.

Now, for the second part. God is love. This, rightly, is massively encouraging to read! Love is not just something God does, it’s who He is. Love is part of His character and nature. That means He will always be loving towards us. God is not going to wake up one day and not be in a “loving mood.” He is consistently, faithfully loving. When describing His character to a newly rescued bunch of ragtag former slaves, God says this: “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.” Exodus 34:6 NLT

God’s love is faithful and unfailing. No matter how unfaithful we have been or will be, God will never stop loving us.

But, there's a trap we have to be aware of or else we will fall into it. If we aren't careful, we can flip the statement that "God is love" into the misleading belief that "love is god."

At first glance, it can be hard to see much difference. But, when we start living with love as our god, the problems become a lot more noticeable.

Because when we separate our view of love from the God who is love, we wind up with something that isn’t love at all. Real love is a beautiful promise of God’s affection and a picture of Jesus’ sacrifice for us. It’s a willingness to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others. It’s a way of life devoted to worshiping God and serving others.

But, when love becomes our god, it twists itself into a weapon we throw around to get what we want. It morphs into an insatiable dehumanizing desire to use and consume people and things to get what we want.

Instead of treating others with dignity, we treat them with disdain. Instead of seeing people as wonderful creatures made in the image of God, we see them as objects to be used for our pleasure. Instead of putting their needs before our own, we use them as a tool to get ahead.

And this idea, of love as our god, has taken root and grown out of control in our modern world. Because when “love” is our god, acting on it isn’t just acceptable, it’s our duty. We become slaves to our selfish desires. And we become participants in the systems and structures that keep people stuck in the darkness.

But that understanding of love is a gross distortion of reality. Real love is not about self-fulfillment, it’s about self sacrifice. Real love is not about our happiness, it’s about the good of others. And that’s where John goes next:

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 1 John 4:9-10 NLT

Real love looks like Jesus. It’s sacrificial and unconditional, expecting nothing in return. Challenging, right? In a culture that says, “Get even. Make sure it’s fair for you. Actually, make sure you do whatever it takes to get ahead,” the kind of love that God showed us through Jesus is radical in every way. What do we do with that kind of love?

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 1 John 4:11 NLT

You can almost hear the tone of John’s voice when he says this. There’s a deep sincerity with a bit of sarcasm. Like, “Guys, God loved us so much that He literally suffered and died for us while we were still actively resisting Him. Surely, we can stop gaslighting each other every chance we get. How about instead we try to do for them what Jesus has done for us?”

12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 1 John 4:12 NLT

What John says here is absolutely mind-blowing. The ESV puts it this way, “if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:12 ESV

What does that mean? Two things:

1. Even though we’ve never seen God, we can still experience the fullness of His love by sacrificing ourselves for the good of those who are made in His image. By giving love to others, we are increasing our ability to receive the complete and perfect love that God has for us. So, if you really want to feel the love of God in the fullest way possible, then choose to love others.
2. Even though other people have never seen God, they can still experience His perfect love when we love them. Because the unconditional unfailing love of God, as it flows through us and to others, is made even more perfect. So, if you really want other people to know how much God loves them, then choose to love them the same way He has loved you.

Then, in verse 13 John encourages us with this:

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 1 John 4:13 NLT

The Holy Spirit is alive in us, and we are alive in Him. God became one of us so we could become one with Him. As God’s love is made perfect in us, our union with Him is restored.

Application: Take inventory of the times where you’ve replaced the God who is love with love as your god. What were the consequences of making love into an idol?

Then, decide to love others the same way God has loved you. Choose to sacrifice yourself for the good of others. And pay close attention to how those choices enhance your awareness of God’s love for you.