Slay the Sexy DragonSýnishorn

The 3 Types of Desires

Rewinding a bit in our story, a week after I met Cody I flew to Maui for a celebratory getaway after I’d just published my memoir, ‘Single Shouldn’t Suck’. I REALLYYY liked Cody, but I didn’t want to overthink things. Even though I had a voice message from him & was dying to listen to it, I put my phone on 'Airplane Mode' & took a week adventuring with Jesus & friends.

One beautiful day on the trip, I grabbed a cappuccino in the lobby of our hotel & plopped up on my balcony with my Bible. The sun sizzled hot on my skin– unveiling my deep Italian olive tone. I soaked in the moment, flipped my Bible over to 1John 2:15, & began to read 2 verses that changed my life forever. Instantly, it felt like drinking from a firehose of revelation as the Holy Spirit illuminated something I’d never seen before: 3 distinct types of desires written about in scripture.

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." 1John 2:15-17

Whoa. Hold up. What do the desires of the ‘flesh’ and desires of the ‘eyes’ actually mean? Well in Galatians 5:16-21 we learn that “the works of the flesh are…sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these.” So the desires of the flesh are the impulses of our sin nature.

The desires of the eyes refer to the coveting spirit of lust. The word ‘desire’ is also translated as ‘lust’ in the NIV translation. GotQuestions.com breaks it down even further:

“The dictionary definition of lust is "1) intense or unrestrained sexual craving, or 2) an overwhelming desire or craving."...Lust has as its focus pleasing oneself, and it often leads to unwholesome actions to fulfill one’s desires with no regard to the consequences....Simply put, the lust (desires) of the eyes is the sinful desire to possess what we see or to have those things which have visual appeal. This coveting of money, possessions, or other physical things is not from God, but from the world around us.”

Lust = unrestrained overwhelming desire. Without restraint desire is dangerous. In dating, we are faced with the challenge of navigating the pursuit of our desires. But most of the time we seek fulfillment of our desires rather than exploring the validity of the desire itself. Do we truly want what we think we want? Should we want something that we thought we didn’t want? Do we even know what we want? Will we ever learn to not want what we wish we didn’t want?

It’s quite the paradox this human experience grants us. We live for self-pleasure in search of ultimate happiness— yet the maker of our design buried the truest desire of human affection within the depths of our hearts, leaving the fate of our creation helpless to find it without a spade. But the secret to finding it is in the revelation that a spade is not needed, only the routing of one's affection heavenward to please the Father. And in doing so ultimate fulfillment yields eternal happiness, uncovering our heart’s desire.

I know that sounded fancy but sit on that for a minute. Read it a couple more times till it sinks in. Notice I started today's reading highlighting 3 types of desires in this world, two of which are traps of lust, but the last one is a gold mine of freedom.

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

There's a pure source of desire placed in your heart by God. It’s the thing that's designed to leave you feeling full. The secret to finding it is simply in resting & delighting in the Lord, allowing Him to give it to us. Why? Because desire alone cannot be trusted. Proverbs 4:23 warns us to guard our heart, for everything we do flows from it. When we lack wisdom in guarding our hearts we become deceived, give into lust & fall into sin.

"Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1:13-16

Unprotected desire leads to sin & brings forth death. Oof. That’s a hefty statement right there. What kind of death have you experienced in your life as a result of unprotected desire? I think if Eve could go back she’d have more discernment about the decision she made to fulfill the desire she had in that moment. A desire put there by God, but because she did not guard her heart, the evil one enticed her with her desire which led to sin & death.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt this way myself. I’ve felt bound to sin because I couldn’t trace back the root of my desire & where I let my guard down. I loved Jesus, was serving Him, & was fully committed to living a holy life. Yet for two years I was bound by an addiction to masturbation. I sought counsel, listened to sermons, & fasted. But none of these things provided a solution. I didn’t just need help, I needed a personal revelation. At times it felt like I had no control & my desire ruled my body in a way that almost felt involuntary. As a result, I was plagued with demonic experiences & tormenting sexual images in my mind. When I say this was a spiritual battle, I mean it was Braveheart movie levels of savagery. This is coming from a girl who never watched porn, didn't have a boyfriend until I was 30, & never fooled around sexually. But I didn’t have to go looking for lust for it to find me.

As I was seeking God one day, I felt His kindness draw me in. His love enveloped me assuring me that He saw my heart’s desire to be free & prompted me to seek professional counseling. Through the process of therapy, I began to trace back the moment I’d opened the door to the lust of the flesh & partnered with the lies of the enemy. God brought to my awareness anger, resentment, & deep-set disappointment in my heart that the spirit of lust was feeding off of to ensnare me. Like I said, I was the queen of being single, but my heart began to accept the lie that I would always be lonely, God would never come through for me, & I would always be disappointed. This lie was fortified every time I gave into lust & as a result, I believed I would never get the opportunity to experience true intimacy in marriage.

In the process of my healing journey, God began to heal the wounds in my heart & teach me so gently how to steward my sexual desires. Each time I gave into sin, God told me to get on my knees, repent & receive His love. I remember so clearly in this season God was so determined to affirm His love for me & not allow shame to claim the beautiful desire He placed in me that would one day be shared in intimacy with my husband. On my knees, I would weep in repentance & prophecy over my future, “Lord, I repent of giving into sin. I thank you for giving me a healthy sexuality. That my desire for sex & intimacy is from you. One day I will be married & experience true intimacy. Thank you for helping me steward my desires well in this season.” Years later, these prophetic words have been fulfilled in my life. By the grace & glory to God Cody & I kept our relationship pure from sexual compromise our entire dating season. I never struggled with feeling shame in dating or marriage. It saddens me to hear many believers who reserved sex for the covenant of marriage & struggle to enjoy the beautiful gift that it is. But the sexy dragon doesn’t go down without a fight. If the enemy can’t tempt you to give into sin, he will do everything he can to pervert your experience of sanctification with religious bondage.

Protected innocence along our God-created journey of discovery = temporal discomfort in exchange for long-term gains. Obedience to God puts you in alignment with living out the benefits of a blessed life. But perverted innocence = temporal gratification & long-term pain.

What types of desires are you chasing in your life? Do you seek the self-pleasures talked about in Galatians 5:16? Do you covet your friend's marriage/relationship or the lives of those you see on social media? Have you let your guard down & allowed the enemy to infiltrate your beliefs? Are you offended at God for not coming through for you?

When you guard the desire of your heart, God delights in giving you what was always meant for you. Ask God to show you any areas where your innocence has been perverted & shame has stolen the narrative of your story. Sit with the Holy Spirit & write out a confession to remind yourself of His love for you even in your darkest hour.