Slay the Sexy DragonSýnishorn

The God-given art of attraction

This may shock you, but I didn’t have my first kiss 'til I was 30. If your jaw is on the floor I don't blame you. But fear not, the preceding is not my attempt to convince you smooching isn’t holy. That ain’t where I’m headed, so stick with it. What I’m about to share with you is a transformative revelation and could be the very thing hindering you from finding a God-centered relationship or overcoming the bondage of sin you’ve been held captive to.

You might be thinking, "What could this virgin lips girl possibly know about overcoming lust and sexual temptation?” While I’d love for you to believe I’m a modern-day Disney princess, in full transparency, I’ve fought my own battles with lust, addiction, and the seductive disillusion of attraction (more on this later). I ain't a saint and no one, even the most seemingly holy person, is perfect.

It’s taken years for me to have the courage to write these words publicly. It was never in my plan to share my struggles or even speak openly on this topic. But in my healing journey, I found myself unraveling parts of my heart that left me feeling helpless; areas of sexual confusion, emotional lust, and tormenting lies. As I turned to God for refuge, I discovered how I’d allowed the belief systems of the world to infiltrate my hardwiring for attraction and romantic relationships.

If you’ve read my other devotionals (Single Shouldn't Suck, If He Wanted To He Would, Breakup With Heartbreak, or Dating Shouldn't Suck) you know me as the queen of being single. I kicked butt in that season and hope you found encouragement to live the adventure. But on a fateful day, Feb.14, 2022, to be exact, my royal crown fell as I met the man who’d win my heart and give me his last name. We got married on an island in Hawaii and have been living in marital bliss ever since. BUT our story was far from a fairytale. We went to war in our 2 years of dating - breaking off generational curses, lustful spirits, and toxic love patterns.

While we were both attracted to each other, we faced opposition in the ideals we imagined about the person we thought we’d end up with. My “type” was Italian with dark features, over 6 feet tall, & a true romantic. Cody was looking for a girl with long hair & a body like a back road. Needless to say, we were everything BUT what we were looking for. I had short blond hair, weighed 97 pounds, & built like an ironing board, HA! Cody had dirty blond hair & was 5’9 with shoes on. Our connection was an enchanting surprise in contrast to what we initially found attractive in our past. Yet, there was gravity pulling us together, causing us to be drawn to see the external through God’s eyes.

As we dated, we had to face the root of our lust in attraction & the sin of our past that hindered our love from growing. Without realizing it, we’d placed unhealthy expectations on each other. To put it plainly, in my past I recklessly built soul ties with men. I would indulge in emotionally unhealthy relationships that led to fantasies about our future together. I lived in hallmark land pretending these relationships were going somewhere. But they weren’t. When Cody & I started dating, he didn’t offer me the same emotional indulgence. He was steady & consistent. I was disillusioned by the expectations I’d formed & built up an image in my head of what I thought I should be attracted to. Because of this, I began to doubt our relationship.

As time went on, Cody’s roots of lust were also exposed. This was his first pure relationship & while we were committed to not having sex, he struggled with feeling connected to me. What he’d known of “feeling” love up to that point was rooted in a sexual connection & expectations formed from his struggles with porn.

So here we were, two lost lovers deceived by our attraction & attachment styles. Hence, what transpired throughout our relationship was an awakening to the naked truth about lust, sexual temptation, & how we’ve been seduced by Satan.

I know what you’re thinking: “You must be one of those crazy Christian ladies who only sings hymns & thinks everyone should date Jesus.” While I do love a quality rendition of ‘Amazing Grace’, I assure you I’m not trying to beat you over the head with religious outlandish statements, but rather bold audacious truth. Hear me loud and clear: attraction is important!! But what influences our attraction is detrimental to navigating the true desire of our heart (more of this on day 3).

There’s a perverse, lustful, & seductive spirit that seeks to devour you. It’s the dragon in the red dress.The enemy has strategically placed demonic forces of lust that bombard us daily through social media, porn, advertisement, & cultural ‘norms’. I don’t mean to sound so ‘woo woo’, but the Bible is crystal clear when it warns about the perverse spirit of this world.

Unfortunately, the demonic forces I speak of are so common most would never discern them to be demonic. Most of you reading this are likely already resisting this belief because it seems so ‘out there’. Yet, daily we are being influenced to be attracted to fantasy-inspired physical attributes & unhealthy emotional complexes that lure us away from God’s original design of the art of attraction. Inadvertently, this leads to beliefs we have about what we want/are attracted to & we become disillusioned in what to expect in a relationship.

You may have your list of what you want in a spouse & physical attributes that you won’t compromise for. Or you may even already be married/in a relationship & questioning your feelings of attraction. It’s not wrong to have a specific list of qualities you are looking for. Heck, I’d even say it’s a great start to finding the right person! But the enemy will even use your spirituality to ‘chiristianize’ your delusion of attraction & hinder your heart from being open to the plan of God.

It took several months, but I have experienced undeniable transformation as a result of the revelation I'm about to share. Cody & I grew in our attraction for each other immensely as the root of our lust & deceptions were exposed. I’m now able to enjoy Cody for who God made him to be & love all those things about him that I once questioned. Let’s be real, he’s a hottie. I want to make babies with that man! We’ve never been more in love & obsessed with each other, but it took being intentional to defeat the sexy dragon.

Satan hates marriage so he attacks the first point of entry to defile your desire– your attraction. He hates family. So he will do anything to stop the image bearers from revealing God’s original design for healthy relationships.

To arm ourselves against the attack of the enemy we need to rewire our attraction & reconnect it with the design of heaven. Attraction is like an appetite. You have to discipline it & protect it with a healthy lifestyle of revelation– not just rules & religion.

Before we go any further though, I want you to remove the fear that you will have to settle for someone you won’t be attracted to. That also is a stronghold. You WILL be attracted to your future spouse & it will be so multi-dimensional. But if you truly desire to gain authority over the sexy dragon, you must go through this refinement that will uncover the desire of your heart as you learn to stand against the seduction of this world.

Take time today & ask God to reveal to you how you’ve allowed the seductive spirit of this world to influence your attraction. Maybe you're struggling with giving in to temptation in your existing relationship. Make a decision before God that these next 4 days will be a turning point for a personal conviction. Make a list of God-centered qualities in the person you desire to be with/the person you’re currently with. Ask God to begin to give you a healthy attraction to these qualities & to reveal the pride that has hindered you from seeing others the way He made them. Meditate on the chapter selected reading for today.