From Broken Boy to Mended ManSýnishorn

Forgiving Your Parents Heals You

One Thanksgiving early in our marriage, my wife and I went to my parents’ home to celebrate my brother’s safe return from war. All three of my brothers, our mom and dad, my wife, and I gathered around the dinner table for the first time in many years.

Instead of zipping through the usual prayer, Dad bowed his head and said reverently, “Dear God, Mom and I just want to start by saying thank you…” That was as far as he got. He started heaving with tears, excused himself, and rushed into their bedroom.

I followed and asked, “Dad, what’s wrong? Are you okay? What just happened?”

After he regained his composure, he said, “I’m okay. It’s just that your mother and I never thought we would ever see our four boys together again in the same room.”

Something softened in me that day, and because I had been freely forgiven by God for my sins, I silently forgave my parents for theirs.

Maybe your parents are living, maybe not. Maybe you have a good relationship with your parents, maybe not. Maybe your relationship is civil, maybe not. Whatever your relationship with your parents is like, the elephant in the room is forgiveness.

Forgiving is not dismissing or pretending that your wounds never happened. After all, there would be no need for forgiveness unless somebody had done something wrong. You’re not sweeping a parent’s sins under the rug, nor are you saying that forgiveness alone will erase the years of hurt.

But without forgiveness, the future of your relationship with your parents will look no different from the past.

Jesus teaches unilateral forgiveness. We are to forgive people when they sin against us—whether they’re sorry or not, and whether they’ve asked to be forgiven or not.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught us to pray,

And forgive us our debts (sins), as we also have forgiven our debtors (those who have sinned against us). (Matthew 6:12, parenthetic comments added)

Of all the lofty thoughts compressed into what we call the Lord’s Prayer, note that the first idea Jesus chose to expand is forgiveness.

He continued:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

Jesus does not teach that an apology is necessary. We are to forgive regardless.

The uniqueness of biblical forgiveness is that even when your parents don’t deserve it, are no longer alive, or show no remorse, you can forgive them.

Why does it matter? When you don’t forgive, you are the one who suffers most. Accumulated unforgiveness is like a festering wound that gets infected when not treated.

Forgiveness is about releasing your mind, heart, soul, and spirit from bondage. Forgiving your parents will help heal you.

Have you enjoyed this reading plan? If so, learn more about author Patrick Morley and his book From Broken Boy to Mended Man by visiting patrickmorley.com.