From Broken Boy to Mended ManSýnishorn

The Fraternal Order of Broken Boys

There are millions of us. We carry around leftover pain from childhood wounds.

As a result of this unprocessed pain, we act out in ways that damage our relationships. We’re easily offended. Fragile. We lash out. We withdraw. We’re baffled by our behavior. Frankly, we’re not even sure what normal behavior looks like.

We all want to silence the voices of the past, but the way forward is shrouded in mystery. We look at our lives and can’t help wondering, Is this as good as it gets? We’re terrified we might repeat the cycle with our own spouses and children rather than break it.

What we really want—have always wanted—is for our parents to love us, believe in us, and be proud of us. We ache to be encouraged, respected, and valued. We yearn for their approval and affirmation—to be the gleam in their eyes. That’s what you and I need to thrive.

When a young man doesn’t get these things from his mom and dad, he ends up as a little boy with a hole. I know. That’s what happened to me.

It’s Personal

When my mother died from cancer, I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t sad. I didn’t cry. There was no emotional response. Nothing. At the time, I was fifty-three years old.

Knowing something was off, I made an appointment with a counselor to figure out why. Over eight sessions, my counselor helped me process the father and mother wounds I had never been able to put into words. That allowed me to grieve the childhood I missed. It empowered me to forgive, heal, and make beautiful, lasting changes.

Perhaps you also carry around the lingering, hard-to-put-into-words pain of childhood wounds. Maybe your father or mother was not in the picture. Or maybe one or both were neglectful and distant, angry and abusive, or self-absorbed. Maybe they just didn’t know any better. But the result is the same, and you’ve just never gotten over it.

If that’s you, I want you to know you are not alone. As many as eight out of every ten men you cross paths with today in your neighborhood, workplace, gym, or church also grew up in dysfunctional homes. Together, we are the fraternal order of broken boys.

What is your starting point today? Is it passivity, resignation, addiction, rage, a critical spirit, poor self-esteem, denial, or lack of confidence? Are you oversensitive to criticism, lashing out when it comes? Do you get moody and withdraw? Are you driven to win acceptance in the world because you didn’t get it at home? Are you an overachiever, a protector of the weak, or a champion of lost causes?

Whatever your starting point, the way forward is the same. The Bible prescribes a process for healing (and preventing) childhood wounds that has been in constant, successful use for thousands of years.