From Broken Boy to Mended ManSýnishorn

The Four Building Blocks of a Healthy Home

We all know folly is bound up in the heart of a child. Parents are responsible to correct that folly—but without crushing their child’s soul.

Unfortunately, many parents were never properly parented themselves. They have no model for how to create a safe, healthy home. They inherited intergenerational brokenness from their parents. Then they couldn’t break the cycle and passed on some (or all) of that brokenness to their children—you and me. And that puts us at risk of repeating the vicious cycle all over again.

Parenting is a sacred promise to prioritize a child’s physical, mental, emotional, social, financial, moral, and spiritual health. Your parents had a duty to provide for and protect you. They had a responsibility to help you grow strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit. They also had the privilege to give you a sense of well-being and an opportunity to create a family environment where you could thrive.

To thrive (synonyms: flourish, prosper, succeed, bloom), children need love, structure, roots, and wings. Most of us have heard the question, “Is it nature or nurture?” Love, structure, roots, and wings are the building blocks of nurture.

A healthy home overflows with overt and unconditional love. Love is the umbrella over everything, and a healthy, loving relationship is the most powerful force in the world. If you grew up in a love-filled home, you felt precious, valuable, and believed in, like you were the gleam in your parent’s or caregiver’s eyes.

A healthy home is filled with clear-cut structure. If you grew up in a well-structured home, your parents were predictable. You always knew where you stood, what the rules were, what was out of bounds, and what to expect if you disobeyed.

A healthy home has roots. Roots build character, perseverance, determination, diligence, and resilience.If you grew up in a home with deep roots, no matter how much you got knocked down at school, you always felt like things would be okay once you got home. Your parents made you feel secure, safe, and stable. They protected you from worldly ways and people who might otherwise prey on you.

A healthy home gives children wings. Your parents helped you experiment until you found a few things you love and do well—whether in academics, sports, or the arts. They also helped you develop social skills, such as looking people in the eyes when you’re speaking or being spoken to. They nurtured your emotional intelligence and situational awareness.

We’ve just explored what should have happened. A man who rates himself highly in love, structure, roots, and wings would say, “My parents were affirming,” or “My parents were encouraging.” How would you rate your childhood home in these four areas? And if you have children, what are you passing on to them?