Love After Marriage: Steps to Reconciliation Sýnishorn

Day 1: Authentic Reconciliation

This is where it all begins. To help a person feel understood, we must find words that touch the part inside of them that is hurt. It is best to use feeling words that clearly describe the other person’s pain, such as: “You probably felt unloved, betrayed, insecure, embarrassed, humiliated, afraid, trapped, controlled or undesirable, to just name a few possibilities. Proverbs 24:26 tells us, “He kisses the lips who gives a right answer.” Giving just the right words of understanding to our spouse’s feelings can be as intimate as a kiss. By the way, simply saying “I understand” does not mean that you really do understand. You need to use words that describe what the other person feels inside in order for them to be confident that we truly understand what they are going through.

Ponder & Pray: Take some time right now to individually ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind any ways I may have brought any hurt to my spouse that has not been adequately reconciled.

Remember: Just saying, “I’m sorry” or “Would you forgive me?” is not true reconciliation. This is not you telling your spouse how he/she has hurt you; it is letting the Holy Spirit help you see the ways you have brought any hurt to your spouse.

Activation: Share what the Holy Spirit has shown you. Write everything down. (Note: We will walk you through the steps to reconciliation in the coming days)