Parenting a Prodigal During the Holidays Sýnishorn

Day 4: The Older Brother

Today we turn our attention to an often-overlooked figure in the parable of the prodigal son: the older brother. In focusing on the returning prodigal, it’s easy to neglect, forget, or underappreciate those who have always been present, much like the older brother in the story. As parents of a prodigal, while you grapple with the complexities of one child's absence, it's essential to also cherish and nurture your relationship with your other children, who might be struggling quietly with feelings of neglect, resentment, or inadequacy.

The older brother’s feelings of resentment and feeling overlooked are not uncommon in families dealing with a prodigal. Siblings can often feel as if they are in the shadows, struggling with their own feelings of not being “good enough” for their parents to be satisfied with their family unit with an absent prodigal, or harboring disdain for the attention given to the prodigal because of their poor behavior. It’s crucial to recognize these emotions and talk to your child about what they’re experiencing. These conversations of appreciation and recognition for their emotions are not a time to tell them how they “should” feel or what they “should” do (even if you’re talking about forgiveness). An older brother has a forgiveness process that is unique and different from a parent’s process. Trying to rush their healing journey can, at times, cause more damage.

As you navigate the holidays with your children who are not prodigals, here are some tips to ensure they feel cherished and celebrated in your family:

Acknowledge Each Child's Feelings: Spend time with each of your children, listening to their concerns, and acknowledging their feelings. It’s important that they know their emotions are valid and heard.

Create Special Moments: Plan activities that involve your children, focusing on their interests and strengths. This can help build a sense of belonging and family unity.

Express Appreciation: Regularly express your gratitude and appreciation for the presence and contributions of your other children. This can help mitigate feelings of being undervalued.

Encourage Open Dialogue: Foster an environment where all your children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings, free from judgment. This open dialogue can promote understanding and empathy among siblings.

Pray Together: Include all your children in prayer, asking for God’s Guidance and Blessings for each one. James 5:16 reminds us, “...The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Remember, while the journey with your prodigal is significant, it's equally important to nurture and cherish the relationships with your other children. This holiday season, strive to create a balanced and loving environment, recognizing the unique value and needs of each child. In doing so, you embody the Inclusive Love that Christ teaches.