Parenting a Prodigal During the Holidays Sýnishorn

Day 3: Setting Boundaries with Your Prodigal

As we continue our journey through the holiday season, today we are going to focus on the importance of setting boundaries with your prodigal child. As you parent, especially in the context of a prodigal child, boundaries are essential. Boundaries create loving frameworks of healthy interaction. As a licensed psychologist with decades of experience, I have witnessed the transformative power of well-set boundaries in restoring strained family dynamics.

Boundaries are guidelines or limits that create a healthy sense of personal space and respect. They are not mechanisms of control or punishment but are established to protect both your well-being and the relationship with your child. The Bible offers wisdom on this topic and there are many examples of people setting proper boundaries. For example Joseph’s refusal of Potiphar’s wife’s advances. He reminded her of the trust that Potiphar had placed in him and said the relationship she sought was sinful (Gen 39:7-9). This instance illustrates the importance of adhering to personal moral and ethical boundaries, even in challenging situations, emphasizing the value of integrity and the protection of relationships and trust.

Holidays can often bring unexpected emotions to the surface. It’s important to recognize your limits and have strategies to manage these feelings.

The below questions can help you start the conversations of what boundaries look like for you and your family this holiday season:

• What level of communication am I open to with my prodigal during the holidays with the understanding that my prodigal may not respond or be kind in their response to my communication?
• What am I comfortable discussing about my child’s circumstances with family and friends?
• What do I need to do to stay balanced during the holiday season?
• What are my expectations for the holidays and how can I adjust them to accommodate the reality of my situation?
• What behavior am I willing to tolerate or accept from my prodigal?
• What boundaries can I place with my prodigal and other family members to have a peaceful holiday season?

Writing down standard responses when boundaries are tested can relieve tension and anxiety at holiday events. For example:

Family Member: “How is __________ doing? Why’d they miss our family party? They’ve been here every other year! What’s going on?”

Standard Response: “________ decided to do something different this year. This is a beautiful party. Thank you for inviting us!”

Prodigal: “Let’s talk about politics!”

Standard Response: “This year we decided to focus on enjoying each other’s company and celebrating Thanksgiving without discussing politics or controversial topics. Why don’t we talk about what we’re grateful for instead?”

Remember, setting boundaries is also about protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being. As Proverbs 4:23 advises, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Establish limits on conversations or behaviors that you find emotionally draining or counterproductive. This might mean choosing not to engage in arguments or heated discussions.

Enforcing boundaries can be challenging, especially when it involves a loved one. It's crucial to approach this process with a spirit of love, aligning with Ephesians 4:15, which encourages speaking the truth in love. When a boundary is crossed, respond with firmness, truth, and with love. Responding is always better than reacting, which is why we discussed the importance of having a plan.

As you implement these boundaries, equip yourself with prayer and seek guidance from God. James 1:5 promises that if any of us lacks wisdom, we should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.