5 Days to Freedom from Anger in Your MarriageSýnishorn

DAY 5: When You Don’t Feel Loved

Without love, we cope under conditions that God never intended. Couples become roommates, or worse.  

Warm romantic feelings come after true biblical love is put into action. When my own marriage was in trouble, each day I took a verse about love and chose to live it out practically toward my husband.

Our relationship took a sharp turn. It took time, but when one person loves another like Jesus does, it’s nearly impossible for that other person to remain unchanged. We must stop fighting our husbands and wives and start fighting the real enemy, Satan. He wants us to nag, ignore, bristle, and withdraw. We fight against that by doing the exact opposite. When we show unconditional love to our husbands and wives, we disarm the forces of evil hellbent on destroying our marriages.

“We love because he first loved us.” (I John 4:19, NIV)

Jesus loved us first. God’s Word is not an empty dialogue; it’s an active instruction manual for our everyday lives. Here’s how we can apply it regarding demonstrations of love in our marriages:

“Let all that you do be done in love.” (I Corinthians 16:14, ESV) Take out the trash, in love. Compliment her dress, in love. Give him a kiss, in love. Call her on your lunch break, in love. Tell him you appreciate his hard work, in love. Approach your financial problem, in love. Invite her into the bedroom, make him his favorite meal, clean up another mess, settle the kids’ arguing, in love. Do everything from a place of love, being filled by the Holy Spirit, whether or not your spouse does the same.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35, ESV)

Love is a holy equalizer, removing the record of wrongs from our memories. You and I both have committed a multitude of wrongs ourselves. We can keep track, or we can keep our marriages intact. 

Acts of love create a breeding ground for feelings to germinate. Any reasonable spouse will respond to being loved well. Loving your husband breaks down his defenses. Loving your wife softens her spirit. Biblical marital love begins with obedience and ends with blessing upon blessing.

If you love your spouse, you will actively look for ways to enhance his/her life on a daily basis.   Like so many of my readers, I have been in a place of constant bickering and I’ve been in a place of cold indifference in my marriage. Neither of those conditions is worth settling for. God assures us that love is the answer and while it’s wonderful to be on the receiving end, God instructs us to be His conduit, first and foremost. God always equips us to do what He asks of us. It’s doable if you’re available. Do you want to feel love in your marriage? Nothing will fill your heart more than mirroring the unconditional love of Christ toward your spouse. Love with everything you’ve got, and you’ll have everything to gain.

Let’s Pray: Jesus, thank You for loving me. When I consider how much You have loved me, even at my worst, I am humbled. I know that I can’t manufacture loving feelings, but I believe Your Word is truth. I believe that if I am obedient, love will flourish in my marriage. Help us not to fly off the handle! Stop us from keeping a record of wrongs. Help us to always look for the best in one another!  Lord, it hurts when I don’t feel loved by my spouse, but I refuse to give in to hopelessness. Jesus, I can picture our relationship as one where love cannot be contained. You promise that You can do things beyond all we ask or imagine... Thank You for being a God of hope! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!”