Common Lies in a Sex Crazed World Ihe Atụ

Lie #2: Marriage is a Capstone Not a Cornerstone

Traditionally, the cornerstone of a building is a solid, foundational piece commemorating the importance or significance of the structure. Once the building is completed, a capstone is a piece placed on the top of an exterior wall. In short, the building is built from the cornerstone and is finalized with a capstone.

Marriage should be seen as a cornerstone, something from which Christians can build their lives. To the world however, marriage is a capstone. Once you finish your master’s degree, travel, save money, and maybe even buy a house or spend time living in your dream city, then, sure— if you really want to—get married.

Scripture shows us that marriage and family are designed by God as things to build our lives on and around, rather than things to get to eventually if we had time. Paul told the Corinthian Christians that if they did not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire (1 Cor. 7:9). We weren’t designed to pursue any type of intense intimacy without the marriage covenant in place. Paul isn’t saying you should get married only because you want to have sex, but if you want to have sex, you need to get married.

There is freedom when a couple commits to practicing sex in the context of a lifelong covenant relationship that God designed (called marriage), in which the husband commits to love his wife as Christ loved the church and the wife to respect her husband.

When we break God’s design, we should expect brokenness, not bliss. Thankfully, God tells us exactly His will for His people. Paul gives us an incredibly helpful insight into the mind of God: “For this is God’s will, your sanctification” (1 Thess. 4:3). Talk about being as clear as possible! People have searched, wrestled, and even done pilgrimages in order to find God’s will, and here Paul puts it right in front of us. Paul, then gives Christians a specific example of what sanctification looks like: “that you keep away from sexual immorality” (v. 3). It doesn’t get any clearer than that. God’s will is our sanctification, our sexual purity. Paul goes a step further in describing what that looks like and then drives home the big point, “that each of you knows how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passions, like the Gentiles, who don’t know God” (vv. 4–5).

God expects His people, both married and unmarried, to control their bodies when it comes to sexual temptation. To refuse to do so is to resemble people who do not know God. When we avoid sexual immorality, we are carrying out God’s will for us. God instructs us to “flee sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18), not flirt with it, get as close to the line as possible, or even see how resistant we can be in the moment. Viewing marriage as a capstone and dating in the meantime, doesn’t align with the wisdom of God but with that of the world.

One simply needs to look at scripture to see numerous examples of God’s design for marriage as a cornerstone. Beginning in Genesis and continuing throughout the Bible, marriage is elevated as the model. Singleness is great, and marriage is great. But a sort of loose, flexible partnering is not. God created marriage to be a cornerstone. Let us live out His will regarding our sanctification by fleeing from sexual immorality until we are ready to pursue a relationship that leads to marriage.