The Marriage Talks Part 4 | Making It LastIhe Atụ

Day 4 | Ecclesiastes 9:7-9 | Joy for the Little Days

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Welcome back to the marriage talks everyone. Today we talk about the little days. Marriage is no fifty-meter sprint, and it’s way longer than a marathon. Those things have a finish line. Marriage is for life! For better or worse, sickness and health, in laughter and tears, ’til death do us part. You made a covenant. But we say those words at the wedding. That’s the big day. The real challenge is all the little ones—the ones that can move so slow and go by so fast.

For those days, we come back again to Ecclesiastes 9. I love this passage. The context is a reminder that life is short. And it’s a gift from God—one that was meant to be enjoyed. Verse 7:

“Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil” (Ecclesiastes 9:7-8).

Did I mention I love that passage? Live your life like it’s a celebration. Not the party life—that’s empty. Chapter 2 says that’s foolish and dangerous. This is a call to enjoy life just as God gave it. Don’t wait for the big events to celebrate. Enjoy your daily routines. Eating your “food with gladness,” and drinking your “wine with a joyful heart,” aren’t about getting fat and drunk. The picture here is just enjoying a simple meal together—daily.

And there are a lot of benefits. Numerous studies tell us that sharing regular family meals is associated with lower rates of obesity, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy. On the positive side, more family meals are linked to higher rates of resilience, better grades, and higher self-esteem.* Now I know that for many of us, sharing a meal is easier said than done. Sometimes working multiple jobs or different shifts makes it difficult. This is not a guilt trip, just an encouragement to see the value in eating together and enjoying it. Back in Ecclesiastes, verse 8 says:

“Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil” (Ecclesiastes 9:7-8).

Those were things people did for weddings and feasts. But Solomon says always live that way. Not the extravagance of it, just the attitude. Solomon declared the extravagant life empty back in chapter two. Just watch the life of any couple that lives the rock star lifestyle, and see if that marriage lasts. In the world of celebrity marriage, the rare ones that last are always the ones that don’t get caught up in the glamour and hype, and who learn to enjoy each other and enjoy normal life together.

So back here in Ecclesiastes, Solomon is saying: treat life as a feast. Enjoy your daily meal with a joyful heart. Dress for the occasion when there is no occasion. And my favorite is verse 9:

“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this (fleeting) life that God has given you under the sun—all your (fleeting) days” (Ecclesiastes 9:9).

Now if you’re reading along, some translations say meaningless days or vain days, but I chose the word fleeting. The Hebrew word is hebel—key word in Ecclesiastes. It means like a breath, and it speaks to the fleeting nature of life. It doesn’t last. The message of Ecclesiastes is about finding meaning and purpose in the eternal—in God—because the temporary stuff is fleeting. But that message is balanced out with the reminder that the eternal God is the one who gave us all the little days, the ones that seem meaningless and fleeting. The ones without wedding or graduation or vacation to make them special. Those are the days that make up most of life. So enjoy them! Not by trying to force them to mean something big, and not by escaping or finding someone new. Enjoy them with your wife, with the ones you love, and celebrate those days as they are—as God gave them.

Notice again that joy is a choice, and it is yours to choose every single day. You choose whether to enjoy it, and you choose whom to enjoy it with.

Now the big days are important too. We had a big one recently. Our oldest, Daisy, was married. Yep, the same kid who started our random family dance time. Seems like just yesterday doesn’t it? Time does fly. I told you a story from the ceremony back in Part 3, but this one’s from the reception. You know, for the father of the bride, a wedding reception comes with people, cost, planning, stress… and it can be tough to just enjoy it as it was meant to be. But I did. And I snuck in one element just for my family. Halfway through the father-daughter dance to Sunrise, Sunset—all sappy and sweet—I had the DJ switch it up. And on came our old favorite: I Will Survive. That’s right. Random family dance time. My wife stepped on the dance floor, and our other two kids with her. And for a few minutes on that floor, it was just me, my bride, and our kids, enjoying life together like we do. And then we invited the groom and his family to join us, and pretty soon we had the whole place up and grooving. It was awesome.

But understand something. We didn’t make that moment in the moment. The joy on that dance floor that we shared as a family was the collective sum of ten thousand random family dance times. On the kitchen floor. While mopping. Or doing dishes. Or on the living room floor. Or on long, boring road trips together. On all the little days.

Don’t get me wrong. We’re boring plenty of the time. And life was pretty much always stressful on a ministry budget. But we choose to enjoy the mundane together because God calls us to. Because shared joy expresses love and keeps your covenant strong. And that strengthens your kids. They feel secure in the bonds of your covenant when their mom and dad enjoy life together and they’re a part of it. And if you don’t enjoy the little days together, the big days will never be all that you hope for. You can’t skip to the wedding or graduation and expect it to be amazing. The little days make the big days.

Remember, this is not a guilt trip about your past. This is an encouragement to take responsibility for your future. You might say, “My marriage has no joy.” Well, don’t just wait for joy to happen. Choose it! Find it. Search for it. When you’re lost at sea on a ship without water, you don’t just look up, open your mouth, and hope a few raindrops land in it. You collect it. You search that ship for anything and everything that will gather the rain when it comes. And when it doesn’t rain, you rack your brain to piece together what you remember from chemistry class and MacGyver to make a desalinating water purifier and you find water! And you pray.

If you are lacking joy in your marriage, search for it. Don’t fake it, find it. And don’t jump ship and leave your spouse behind. Find joy with your spouse. As Proverbs told us:

“…rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

How do you do that? Remember the fruit of the Spirit. Abide in Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit bear the fruit of joy in you. And remember what Jesus said about storing treasures in Heaven:

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21).

We talked about this. Your heart follows your treasure. You have the power to lead your heart by investing your treasure in the direction you want it to go. Put in the work. Invest time and creativity in your spouse—in bringing them joy. And you will find that your heart will follow your lead. Whether it’s planning a special occasion or just making the most of the moment together, if you invest yourself in it, your heart will follow. And you will find joy in it.

So, let’s talk about that. Read today’s Bible verses, and for your discussion…

For Thoughts and Discussion

Question#1: In Ecclesiastes (9:9), why do you think it’s important to enjoy all the little days together? How can you do that practically?

Question #2: What practical changes can you make in your daily routines to make sure that you take time to enjoy life together as a family?

That’s it for today. Speak with grace, listen with humility, and no shaming. And I’ll see you back here next time.

Read Ecclesiastes 9:7-9, Matthew 6:19-21

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.