Practical Words for Encouraging Your SonIhe Atụ

Day Four

“You have an important place in this family.”

Scripture: Joshua 24:15; Proverbs 25:11; Ephesians 6:4

Ask any expert on gangs and youth about how and why kids join, and you’ll usually get the same answer: gangs fulfill the need for family and a sense of belonging in the lives of young boys. 

Boys need a tribe. Your son may not be heading out to join a gang, but does he know, down to the innermost place in his heart, that he belongs and has an essential place in your family? It’s not a question of how you feel but of how your son sees himself.

There are two powerful ways to reinforce the importance of your son’s place, his belonging in your family.

First, what is the consistent message he receives from you? What is the percentage of positive affirmation he receives from you on a daily basis compared to negative or neutral comments? If the messaging in your home were analyzed, what would the report say? 

Discipline yourself to regularly tell your son, “You are so important to us, and you have a powerful place in our family.” Words are important, but there is another strong element to a son believing in the value of his place in his family: contribution. 

I grew up in Canada, splitting wood as a young boy to stave off the long, bitterly cold winter. I love splitting wood. It’s still in my bones to this day. But ever since our oldest son was about nine, I haven’t split a single round of firewood or stacked it or carried it into the house or started the fire in the morning, unless I just had the urge to do so. My boys—my young men—have handled it. It’s real work, and they take it seriously. 

And I take them seriously, telling them what a valuable contribution they are making to the family by building a blazing fire to keep us warm. 

Unless they’ve been parented to hate it, young men actually enjoy work. Along with your positive words, is there something you could give your son to do? Find something that would allow you to point out that he is making a genuine contribution and you sincerely appreciate his efforts. 

Lord, I want [name] to know he belongs in this family, he is deeply loved, and he has so much to contribute. Help me to see ways to show him those things today! Amen.