Living Changed: After DivorceIhe Atụ

Forgiveness 

Forgiving the people who hurt us is one of the hardest things we have to do as Christians. It can feel like an insurmountable hill to climb. The bigger the hurt, the harder the hill is to climb. But our God is bigger than any situation. When we give Him our pain, He helps us to forgive. 

For a while, I convinced my husband to try marriage counseling. It was incredibly frustrating for me to listen to him talk about the bad and the ugly parts of our relationship while conveniently forgetting any of the good. I felt like I was doing everything I could to work on our marriage by improving myself, and it seemed like he wasn’t putting in any effort at all.

As the voice in my head became more angry, bitter, and prideful, alarm bells started to sound. I knew this wasn’t the heart posture God wanted for me or expected from me. As Christ followers, we’re called to humble ourselves and love the people around us, including those who are difficult to love and those who have hurt us. I knew I needed to forgive my husband and show him compassion, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to punish him for giving up on us. 

Despite my feelings, I forced myself to turn from resentment and take the path toward forgiveness. It was a slow trudge through all my hurt feelings. As I uncovered deeper wounds, I had to keep asking God to replace my pain with His healing until one day, I realized I wasn’t angry anymore. I no longer held a grudge against my husband. Instead, I was sad for him and wanted him to find the same healing I had found in Jesus. I was finally able to drop the heavy weight that had been holding me down and forgive him.

I don’t know everything you’ve been through, but I do know forgiveness is your best path forward. Maybe you need to forgive your husband for breaking your trust, failing to protect your heart, or not fighting for your marriage. Maybe God is asking you to forgive the other woman because He loves her just as much as He loves you. Or maybe you’re having trouble forgiving yourself for the things you did that ended your marriage. 

Whatever your circumstance, God is waiting for you to surrender it all to Him. He wants to take your pain, guilt, and anger and replace it with His peace and joy. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what happened was ok or that it didn’t matter. It’s an act of obedience that allows God to heal you. Through forgiveness, God frees you from the pain of your past so you can move forward in the abundant life He has for you.

Father God, I’m hurting. But I choose to give it to you and ask you to heal my heart. Help me put my trust in your righteousness and choose grace and mercy over anger and spite. Show me how to forgive, even when I don’t feel like it. Help me give grace to others the way you’ve freely given grace to me. Comfort me, guide me, give me your peace and joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.