Trusting God In The Midst Of TragedyIhe Atụ

Trusting God to Use Your Past to Build Who You Are

Anthony

I was a tall black kid who started out in the projects in Chicago. My biological father had drinking issues and he treated my mom bad, so we left him to start out on our own on Chicago’s South Side. I really didn’t know we were poor, but we were. 

My mom was a devout Christian and she prayed for me. Our house was a no-swear zone. When I got into comedy clubs I would try to swear, but I couldn’t do it. And then there was church. It took all day on Sunday dressed up in our best. My mom would only sing church songs at home. Sunday school was fun because we were with our friends. 

Mom was also cross-eyed and beautiful. She was regal, likable, approachable, and smart as a whip, but if you pushed her, she’d remind you that she was from the projects. I thought my mom could do anything no matter the circumstance. She showed me that tough times should not stop you. It’s still on you to fulfill your dreams or destiny. The challenges, no matter how big or small, give you character.

I think I was drawn to comedy for a simple reason: I loved to laugh, and I loved to make people laugh. I got that from my mom too. I had a sensitive spirit, so I wouldn’t insult people with my jokes. I was silly. In a blue-collar family like mine, the goal wasn’t to be on television. But that was what I wanted. My mom didn’t understand that, though she was as supportive as she could be. 

Brigitte grew up in an abusive household, which made her strong, and I grew up around strong women, which made me strong—not physical strength so much as inner strength. Now you have two people together who grew up individually strong, so when something happens to test us, it just makes us stronger. (See James 1:2–5.)

Being Brittany’s dad is part of who I am. That I’m able to help children like Brittany fuels me. I’ve gotten to teach and to know so many kids over more than twenty years of teaching Sunday school. The fact is, I am who I am, and I’m doing what I’m doing because God prepared me for it. What has been is what forms me. Mentally, spiritually, and physically, it makes me who I am.

God sees the past, present, and future all at once (see Revelation 22:13). He knew that in the future Brigitte and I would find out what He already knew about us. What we went through was horrific, and we’d never choose to endure it under any circumstances. But Brigitte and I relied on each other, and that strengthened both of us. When we reach the end of our life’s journey, we’ll realize: Man, I’m stronger. God always knew it.(See Jeremiah 29:11.)

Brigitte

My parents were teenagers. He was a practicing Muslim. My mom was culturally raised Christian but was not a follower, practitioner, or believer. Nuns and priests educated me from five years old onward. So my religious upbringing was a bit confusing. They divorced before I started school and I lived with my mom.

My mother was, to put it mildly, very difficult. There was no joking, no laughter, no touching, none of that. I never heard “I love you” from my mom, ever. My mom was very punitive and I was afraid of making her mad. I never let the outside world know what was going on behind our closed doors. 

In high school I was a good student, but my mother didn’t acknowledge it. On weekends I tried to stay out of our home as much as possible. I was seventeen when my mom kicked me out of the house for good. Eventually I called my aunt and she demanded I get over to her house. I got on the bus and never went back home. That was one of the most freeing days of my life. Mom was never completely out of my life, but I had set strong boundaries with her—especially when our daughter Brittany was born.

Years later, as Anthony’s MS progressed, it was time for me to finish graduate school and focus on my career. I worked in a maximum-security prison in Tehachapi, California, analyzing high-profile criminals. I saw instances of disturbing or threatening behavior, but I kept my cool. Gowing up with my mother had prepared me to work in this environment. That’s why today I can close my eyes in a room and pick out a person with underlying anger issues. 

Anthony’s illness soon required us to move closer to LA. I discovered that our experiences loving and caring for Brittany and her needs motivated me to work with children younger than twelve months. My interest was also driven by my own childhood issues. I work with mothers who experience postpartum depression or maybe even psychosis, and I help them learn to serve their children’s needs. Some of this work springs from wishful thinking; I regret that my mom didn’t do any of this with me.

I’m enriched by being around children and by helping them. When I hear or see a happy baby now, that makes me happy. I don’t feel that negative pang of loss. I couldn’t do this work if God hadn’t bestowed Brittany’s legacy and gift to me (see James 1:17). She’s the reason I’m able to help so many people and get such fulfillment doing so. At the same time, I know that I’m working out my fantasy of what my own childhood might have been like if my mother had been a more understanding person. God doesn’t waste our past, but helps us use it for good. (See Joel 2:25–26.)

Respond

List some of your past experiences and challenges. How have they helped form your character?

What challenges in your past have prepared you help someone else? 

How can you use the specific gifts and experiences God has given you to share Him with someone else?