Colossians: Alive In Christ Ihe Atụ

Here we have directions for how families are to be ordered under Christ’s rule. These directions are given in the context of the new life in Christ spoken about in 3:1–4. Our families aren’t abstracted from Christ, but they, too, come under his lordship and are shaped by his rule and power (see 3:17). This is why Paul talks, in the context of the family, about doing what is ‘fitting in the Lord’ (v. 18) and ‘pleases the Lord’ (v. 20). 

Christ’s pattern for husbands, according to verse 19, is that they exercise loving and gentle leadership. This loving leadership isn’t about buying chocolates and flowers, but has already been given content by verses 12–13. It’s about practising compassion, humility, kindness and forgiveness in the details of the marriage relationship. For wives, Christ’s pattern is humble submission to their husband’s loving leadership. Biblically speaking, submission is neither negative nor outdated, nor disrespectful of people’s rights, but key to holiness. It’s something practised by all believers in different areas (Eph. 5:21), and ultimately it’s practised by Christ himself (John 5:19). 

Life in Christ impacts parenting as well. Children aren’t simply to give in to their parents or else to try to negotiate with them, but to obey (v. 20). Their obedience is meant to be full and complete ‘in everything’ and done willingly – echoing their obedience to Christ himself. Learning to obey parents is key for children learning to obey Christ himself. Fathers (whose role is to take a lead in discipline) are called to be gentle with their children, avoiding unnecessary confrontation, harsh rules and dictatorial leadership (v. 21). Their approach to their children is to be encouraging and strengthening rather than critical and nitpicking. 

Lastly, notice what Paul doesn’t say here about marriage and parenting. There are lots of things he doesn’t prescribe or comment on, and many details are left out. God, in his wisdom, has given us some principles, but otherwise there is great freedom in how we order our marriages and family life. 

Reflection

1. If you're married and/or have kids, where are you challenged by these verses? If you're not married/don't have kids, how can you support other believers in living these things out?

2. In what areas do believers have freedom in how to order their marriages/families?