Grace to Grow: Release Anxiety and Find PurposeSampel

Fireproof

BJ and I once went an entire year without going on a date. Not a single date. And no, not because of kids or lack of money. I was pregnant with our first baby and we both started new jobs. I was consumed with excelling in my new teaching career. BJ plunged himself into limitless overtime as he assumed the role of provider for our growing family. We both slaved over our stresses. Adding a baby compounded the problems. My overachiever issues and BJ’s provider complex didn’t clash in conflict but peeled us apart in silence.

At home one evening, BJ and I discussed the issues that were nonchalantly suffocating our marriage. I struggled with defining my emotions. “I…I just feel like you don’t love me. I mean, I know you do, but…”

BJ looked as if my statement slapped his face. “I don’t understand how you could think that. I’ve been working so hard because I love you. Both of you.”

“But, babe, when was the last time we even went on a date?” We stared at each other as we mentally flipped the calendar. The shock must have shown in my expression. “I think it was the month before I got pregnant with Abbey.” We looked down at our two-month-old daughter in my lap. BJ’s head dropped to his hands. “I’m so sorry. I guess I just…I got caught up in saving money now that we have a baby. We’ll fix it.”

We stepped into the movie theater heavyhearted but hand in hand. The film that night was Fireproof [Kendrick, Alex. 2008. United States: Affirm Films], which was set on a failing marriage. How fitting. The lead character, Caleb, was a firefighter addicted to pornography. His wife, Catherine, was wounded and bitter over his betrayal. With divorce papers in hand, Caleb remembered the fundamental statement of his firehouse: Never leave your partner behind. He smashed his porn-filled computer with a baseball bat and left roses for Catherine in its place. He prayed daily for their marriage. In the end, they remembered why they fell in love in the first place.

I was approaching hot-mess status as the lights flipped on in the theater. Postpartum hormones and stories too close to home meant that by the time we reached the lobby, I lost it. All of it. Months of pent-up pain, doubts, and questions poured out in full-on sobs. I buried myself in my husband’s chest in an attempt to hide from onlookers. My mortifying movie theater meltdown was a continual reminder to safeguard my marriage.

The absurdity of my reaction is funny now but not in the moment. It came at the tail end of a terrible year for BJ and me. Yet I looked back and saw how God steadied us in uncertain times. Neglect could have destroyed our marriage. It didn’t. God used the struggle to gently correct our ignorance. More than a decade later we are stronger. After walking through many difficulties together, our marriage is more intimate. God never left us in the fire.

You may be facing blazing battles today. You may feel overwhelmed and underprepared, but please know you are never forsaken. When the flames get high, allow God’s soothing presence to surround you. God is with you in the furnace (Daniel 3:25). The fire never gets too hot for him.

Pause to Reflect

• Turn to God when you feel physically exhausted and emotionally expended.
• The Lord is with you in every trying circumstance.
• Walking through fiery trials with God deepens intimacy with him.

Pause to Pray

Lord Holy Spirit, when the battle feels hot and the flames are closing in, I cling to you. I know you never leave me in the fire. Please circle me with your life-giving presence. You’re always near, and your heart is to help. I trust you. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.