Your Marriage God's Wayનમૂનો

If you find yourself feeling frustration toward your spouse, recognize that God can use this for your good. Romans 8:28 says, “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” This can apply to marriage problems too. God is calling your attention to the areas in which you need to improve, and the best way to help each other grow is to be willing to ask each other tough questions.

For example, a husband might say, “Outside of the Lord Himself, do you feel like you are taking second place to anything in my life?” If a wife answers that she does not feel she is the supreme priority in her husband’s life, the husband should not try to talk her out of the way she feels or persuade her to see things differently.

Likewise, a wife might ask her husband, “Do you feel like I respect you?” If the husband shares how she makes him feel disrespected, the wife should not argue with her husband and try to convince him he is wrong.

To try to disagree with how your spouse feels could make things worse. Rather, each spouse should listen to the other, acknowledge any weaknesses that are pointed out, and try to make changes that will remedy the situation.

When couples ask each other these kinds of difficult questions, they should expect some painful discussions. That might not seem a positive path to take toward marital growth, but in reality, it’s very beneficial. 

A few months ago, I hurt my lower back. The injury is a recurring one that reminds me I am getting older. I returned to the chiropractor, and if you have ever been to one, you know they can be forceful as they work on your body—pushing, twisting, snapping, and popping. Frequently you are left feeling sore, but that is supposed to happen. The temporary soreness results from the chiropractor’s adjustments to your body, and in time, you’ll get better.

But what if you went to the chiropractor and all he did was rub your shoulders, pat your back, and tell you everything looked fine? I know how I would react: “This is not why I came here. I know that if you are going to help me, you have to apply pressure to my body and do some pushing and pulling.”

Likewise, if we want to improve our marriages, we need to expect some discomfort, struggles, and tension. We should not be alarmed because it’s as we deal with the difficulties that the healing process is able to take place and God is able to work in our hearts. If you choose to avoid the discomfort now, you will more than likely experience even tougher and more painful situations later.

So I want to encourage you to embrace the struggles because of what they are going to produce. The apostle Paul tells us, “We...glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4). Glory in the struggles you are having, knowing that they are producing good results as you, your spouse, and your marriage are refined!

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We hope you enjoyed this 5-day plan! You can connect with Scott LaPierre on his website, and read more from him in his book, Your Marriage God's Way, available here.