Your Marriage God's Wayનમૂનો

A few years ago, my wife Katie and I faced the biggest crisis of our marriage. I began a new job as a pastor, and almost all my waking hours were packed with work. When I was at home, where I should have been an engaged father and husband, I did not have much left for my family mentally, emotionally, or physically.

Although I was failing as a husband and father, I was able to convince myself I was still pleasing the Lord. I would say, “I am a Christian first, a spouse second, a parent third, an employee fourth.” Instead, I should have said, “I am a Christian spouse. I am a Christian parent. I am a Christian employee.” The danger of seeing ourselves as Christian servants first and spouses second is we can find ourselves believing the lie I bought into at the time: “If I can be a good pastor, I can please God even though I am not the best husband.” 

The truth is that I was a poor husband, and I should have recognized that meant I was not pleasing the Lord.

The reason we cannot please the Lord while failing as a husband or wife is that our Christianity is directly related to the way we treat our spouses. Our marriages are outpourings of our relationships with Christ:

• In Matthew 7:16, Jesus asked, “Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?”
• In James 3:11-12, the apostle James asked, “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?” 

The point of these verses is that we reveal our Christianity by the way we live. As Jesus clarified: “You will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16). And right living—or right fruit—can only be produced through a strong relationship with Christ.