Build a Better Marriage by Building a Biblical PerspectiveSample

In marriage, it can be tempting to see your spouse through the lens of their past actions. It’s not uncommon for spouse’s views of each other to get stuck in the past. Are you still viewing your spouse the way they were 5 or 10 years ago?

The reality is that we’re all growing and changing. In our relationship with God, this happens through the process of sanctification, which Paul described in 2 Corinthians 3:18 as growing “from one degree of glory to another.”

Where are you failing to see your spouse’s sanctification? Is that negatively impacting your perspective of them?

In marriage, the growth process can get a little wonky, since even good, godly growth is not without the occasional growing pains. Sometimes God is leading you toward growth in an area that will disrupt some of your patterns and habits, and therefore will affect your spouse. Sometimes, your spouse may be growing in ways that cause disruption to you.

For example, God has shown me in marriage how my lack of transparency about issues that matter sometimes blocks emotional intimacy and growth. But learning to be more open and vulnerable is really uncomfortable for me. It requires new conversation habits with my husband. If he was not willing to see me change in this area and meet me in those new conversations, the growth could become a pain point in our marriage. Even though we both desire growth in our spiritual life and in our marriage, it’s still painful at times! Renewing our minds in this area helps us to allow each other grace in the process.

Do you have “eyes to see” what God is doing in your spouse? Proverbs 20:12 tells us, “Ears to hear and eyes to see—both are gifts from the Lord.” When we are open to learn from the Lord, we are blessed by seeing what things look like from His perspective. Ask Him to help you see your spouse the way He does.

Questions for you:

1. Is your view of your spouse allowing them to grow?
2. Is your view an honest assessment of where they are or is your image of them stuck in a place in the past and failing to recognize the ways they’ve grown?
3. List 3 positive ways you have seen your spouse grow since you first got married.