The Heart Of Recovery By Deborah and David BeddoeSample

Day Six

Seventy Times Seven

Scripture: Matthew 18:21–22

Part of the power of a secret addiction is the shame and pride and fear that stop you from confessing your need for help. For fifteen years, I [Dave] had let no one into my battle unless I was caught. When it all came out, I had a weird mix of terror and numbness and relief. I had been so sure that Deb would leave me and that everyone would hate me. I’d hidden my addiction through years of ministry, so naturally there were people in my life who were shocked, hurt, and angry. But the overwhelming response I got was not what I expected. I expected condemnation, and instead I received compassion. 

I’m deeply thankful that in spite of the disappointment and pain I gave the people in my life, some of them stuck around to give me one more chance, hoping that maybe this time my healing was the real deal. But even in my story, “support” didn’t always look or feel like the support we wanted or thought we needed. For many people I knew, I was their first experience dealing with an addict up close. 

Addicts burn a lot of bridges, and I was no exception. It happens when you fail too many times. We’re a three strikes and you’re out kind of culture. And if you wear through every strand of the safety net, when you finally fall for good, there’s no one left to catch you. I think it’s often harder for the Christian community to offer compassion to someone who’s been given so many chances and failed. 

The community that caught my family and me when I fell wasn’t made up of a perfect pastor, family, or church that had it all figured out. Our safety net was held by people who were willing to reexamine what they thought they knew about addiction and addicts and this idea of “recovery.” Family and friends who wrestled intensely with forgiveness and continued to try to love an addict, even when he broke their hearts. A wife who was willing to practice the countercultural idea of forgiving seventy times seven. And a broader community of broken people who welcomed me as a brother. Our story is a testimony of the power of God working through compassion and community to transform us. 

I will be forever grateful.

Lord, I need to forgive again today. Seventy times seven. Help me to choose compassion again. Amen.