A Simple Guide to a Better Marriageنموونە

The Foundation of Marriage

Selfless service to your spouse is the heart of marriage, and the foundation of the marriage is a covenant. When we think of marriage, we often do so in terms of a contract rather than a covenant. In reality, the two words are quite different.

A covenant, like a contract, is an agreement made between two or more persons, but the nature of the agreement is quite different. The biblical pattern reveals five characteristics of covenants.

1. Covenants are initiated for the benefit of the other person. Many of us can honestly say that we entered marriage motivated by the deep desire to benefit the person we were about to marry. Our intention was to make them happy. However, when our needs are not met, we can quickly revert to a contract mentality and forget our covenant responsibility.

2. In covenant relationships people make unconditional promises. In traditional wedding vows, the covenant we make with each other is couched in covenant language: “To love, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thou only unto her so long as you both shall live.”

3. Covenant relationships are based on steadfast love. Few things are more edifying to a married person than the steadfast love of their spouse. That deep inner sense that we are loved by our spouse and that their attitude toward us is positive goes a long way in building self-esteem and helping us accomplish our potential for God and for doing good in the world. Steadfast love refuses to focus on the negative aspects of one’s spouse. The attitude of steadfast love is the single most important factor in a covenant marriage.

4. Covenant relationships view commitments as permanent. “Till death do us part” or “So long as we both shall live,” common statements in marriage ceremonies, are statements of covenant. Christian marriage is a commitment to permanence.

5. Covenant relationships require confrontation and forgiveness. These two responses—confrontation and forgiveness—are essential in a covenant marriage. Confrontation means holding the other person responsible for their actions. Forgiving means a willingness to lift the penalty and continue a loving, growing relationship. We will sometimes fail. We will fail to live up to the covenants we have made with each other. Such failure need not destroy the covenant, but it does call for confrontation and forgiveness.

Respond

Discuss with your spouse your understanding of covenant marriage and how love and forgiveness reflect God’s covenant relationship with His people. Are you more committed to your spouse’s happiness or your own? What changes can you make to bring your priorities in alignment with God’s? Have loving confrontations and willing expressions of forgiveness been characteristic of your marriage? How can you improve in these areas?