Maintain Your Connection 

Introduction

Sexual intimacy is important in marriage, but there’s more to intimacy than sex. 

The world around us feeds us a lot of confusing and conflicting information about sex. On the one hand, it treats sex as nothing more than a fun physical activity that has little bearing on our thoughts, feelings, and relationships with other people. On the other hand, it acknowledges that sex is a serious enough business that it can be wielded selfishly, leading to harassment, damage to others’ self-image, and deep emotional and psychological pain. 

So, if you’ve carried some unhealthy sexual messages into your marriage, how do you forge a new path moving forward? 

Tension 

About half of people—including married people—are sexually struggling in a big way. 

Most of the time, that struggle goes all the way back to childhood. It’s a result of their parents never talking to them about the qualities of a healthy, positive, and value-centered sexuality. And then they carry these false ideas they’ve formed about intimacy into marriage, and it makes it difficult and awkward to create true sexual intimacy. 

Truth 

God designed marriage to be a lifelong conversation between two people who love each other. And a major part of that conversation is physical intimacy. 

But how do you maintain that connection—that oneness— across a lifetime? All sorts of things can get in the way of intimacy—false ideas about sex we picked up during childhood and adolescence, busy schedules, important responsibilities, low energy, and differing levels of desire. 

Your marriage will be better if you prioritize connection, including physical intimacy. 

Bottom Line 

Emotional intimacy fuels physical intimacy. 

About the Expert

This content is an excerpt from Ted Lowe's interview with Jim Burns.

Jim is the president of HomeWord and the Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. Some of his most popular books are "Confident Parenting," "The Purity Code," "Creating an Intimate Marriage," and "Closer." 

Jim and his wife, Cathy, live in Southern California and have three grown daughters, Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi; two sons-in-law, Steve and Matt; and two grandchildren, James and Charlotte.