Be Kind to Each Other

Introduction 

The plots of movies and books are often based on miscommunication between characters. One character says something, another interprets it the wrong way, and comedy or drama ensues. Miscommunication happens all of the time in marriage, but most of the time it’s not all that funny. In fact, it can cause real problems. 

Kindness is the antidote to miscommunication, but being kind takes practice. 

Tension 

Learning to speak kindly to each other is trickier than it sounds because your own definition of kind communication may differ from your spouse’s. 

If you want to avoid miscommunication, you have to be intentional about knowing yourself and your spouse—how God wired each of you, your different temperaments, and your innate needs. 

Truth

The first step to being kind to your spouse is committing to controlling your words so that they’re always helpful. The apostle Paul addressed this idea in his letter to the people at the church in Ephesus.

But once you’ve made that commitment, it’s important to take steps to understand your own assumptions about what kindness looks like and how those assumptions may differ from how your spouse receives kindness. 

One of the best ways you can get a grasp on your own assumptions and better understand your spouse’s is to know your temperament. This is an ancient, time-tested, and practical way of understanding how we’re wired and how we see and respond to the world around us.

Bottom Line 

Knowing and understanding innate needs helps with all communication.

About the Expert

This content is an excerpt from Ted Lowe's interview with Kathleen Edleman.

Kathleen is certified in Biblical Studies and Christian Counseling Psychology and has spent more than 25 years coaching clients in the art of communication.

She is the author of "I Said This, You Heard That: How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication." Kathleen is married with two grown children and has a surprising passion for martial arts and pickup trucks.