From Grumbling to Gratitude...Escaping Self-Pity's Snareনমুনা

Help: “I’m In This Alone”

“Lord, don’t you care? Tell her to help me!”

I can picture these words bursting from Martha’s lips after hours of working and furiously brooding. They slice into Jesus’ teaching, linger in the disciples’ awkward silence, and redden Martha’s cheeks.

I’ve been Martha. How can I do all this myself? Why doesn’t anyone appreciate me? Would it kill them to join the work?

The Bible never mentions self-pity. But in Martha and others, we observe an attitude of “I deserve better than this.” Self-pity shrinks reality down to our own pain and lack. As with Martha, it often spills out, demanding that others focus their attention, concern, and assistance on us.

Secular writers warn that self-pity can harm our mental health, relationships, and careers. James Jennings calls it an attack on God’s glory. John Piper’s book Future Grace states, “Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering.” Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing. But the need arises from a wounded ego, and the desire is not really for others to see us as helpless, but as heroes.”

Jesus didn’t directly answer Martha. Instead, he identified her deeper issue—being “worried and upset about many things”—and the cure: “Mary has chosen what is better...” Listening to Jesus would reframe Martha’s hurt within God’s great redemptive story, breaking self-pity’s snare. Martha most needed help, not to host a crowd, but to trade grumbling for gratitude.

Like Martha, Jesus was let down and abandoned. The night before his crucifixion, he asked his three closest friends to pray with him. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he told them. But three times, he returned to find them sleeping. After all he’d done for them!

He could have unleashed a tirade, but he spoke only a loving correction. The next day he died for those flaky friends. And after his ascension to heaven, he left a faithful companion, the Holy Spirit, to be their helper—and ours.

None of us humans deserve better than we have received, but Jesus did. As our great High Priest, he can sympathize with our temptation to self-pity. But he overcame it. With his help, so can we.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, my responsibilities are heavy. I’d love others’ help, but I need yours most. Please give me grateful eyes to see your ongoing goodness. Thank you for my constant helper, the Holy Spirit.