Restored: Transforming the Sting of Your Past Into Purpose for Todayনমুনা

Show Up, Be a Danny

My mom, little brother, and I moved to California to escape my mother’s threatening and abusive boyfriend. My dad had left when I was a year old, and survival mode had become my normal. For as long as I could remember, my mom had drunk alcohol excessively, but now her drinking became more constant, and holding down jobs became more difficult.

Although chaos, fear, and intermittent homelessness were a part of our lives, one thing was different in California—my friend Danny. He and I would walk to school together. We tried our best to mind our own business and not talk to anyone but each other. But two bullies in our grade targeted us.

Danny and I took it day after day until the day came when I didn’t. Without considering the outcome, I ran toward one, swinging as hard as I could. At first, I was getting in some good shots! And then the tide turned. About forty pounds heavier than me, he was doing a stellar job pounding in my face when the woman whose yard we were fighting in broke things up.

Danny never said a word. He just stood there for a minute and then reached in his book bag and handed me his PE shirt to wipe my face. My face stung as I wiped the sweat and blood from it. Danny handed me my book bag, and we walked silently to school. Danny was my first real friend and taught me something that day that has always stuck with me. A true friend shows up. Period.

He never pointed out how big of a mess I might make of things, but I desperately needed encouragement every time there was a mess. Each of us needs to be reminded that we are not alone in the mess we’ve made. We all need a friend to get on their knees with a few rags and help us clean up that mess.

Don’t we all long for a friend like that? The best way to find what you long for is to be the person you long to have in your life. Don’t sit back and feel the gap of a lack of friendships. Step in and fill that gap for someone else. Be a safe place for someone to show up. When they do open up, don’t try to fix it. Just stay in that moment and hold space for them. Simply showing up—not walking out—is what matters.

Do you have a Danny in your life? How could you be one to someone else?