Surrender

Parenting, more than anything else in life, teaches us that we’re not in control. We’re not in control of people’s perceptions, reactions, interpretations, or behavior. No matter how much we want the opposite to be true, we’re not in control of our kids’ choices or the outcome. 

I always dreamed of having the perfect family. I thought there was a formula and, if I built my family a certain way, the results would be what I envisioned. I didn’t know that the blessing would be mixed with so much work, tears, questions, and heartbreak. 

My oldest son is my prodigal son. Much like the parable in Luke 15, he turned away from our teachings to forge his own path. When he was in high school, we sent him to boarding school. The dark and winding road that led to that decision was terrifying. He was drinking, vaping, smoking, and altogether acting out of control. I love him dearly, and I was scared for him and his future.

While he was away, I listened to the hymn that says “all to Jesus I surrender. All to him I freely give. I will ever love and trust him. In his presence daily live.” On repeat. 

It was a constant battle to loosen my grip and trust God with my son. It was exhausting. I clung to the promise in Isaiah 40:31 that says “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I needed His strength for every step.

It took a long time for me to realize that no matter what formula I follow, who my children become isn’t up to me. The wins and losses, successes and failures are not all mine to own. Just as I have free will, so do my children. Just as I have a hole in my heart that can only be filled by God, so do my children. Just as God has pursued me when I’ve run away as hard and as fast as I could, God also pursues them and offers them a choice to surrender and choose Him.

I’m still learning how to surrender and release my children to God. I now know that I can only do my best to guide them, and then I must choose to put my hope in the Lord. Thankfully, as I put my trust in God, He is faithful to renew my strength. 

If you’re like me and you struggle to trust God with your children, let me encourage you. Despite what I thought when I was young, there is no perfect family. There is no fast fix to our problems. There is just day after day of knowing God’s promises are true and choosing to surrender. That’s the only formula I’ve found that works: surrender, hope in Him, find strength, repeat.