Humility

When I had my baby girl, I never imagined that there would be a day when I would have to share her with another woman. Her dad and I got divorced when she was 6 years old. We both remarried and though his wife doesn’t have any kids of her own, she delights in getting to be a part of raising my daughter. Sharing her has been one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced. 

Several years ago, Mother’s Day happened to fall on her dad’s weekend. I made plans with my daughter and the thought never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t have her for the day. Mother’s Day belonged to me. I did give birth to her, after all, and I have the c-section scar to prove it. 

That morning, my ex-husband reached out to ask when he could expect to see our daughter. He wanted to celebrate his wife with my daughter on Mother’s Day too. I was appalled that he would even ask me to split my time. I cried and yelled and said things like, “she’s not even a mom! She doesn’t get to have MY daughter on Mother’s Day!” He did his best to explain the importance, but I was stuck and there was no way I was sharing. 

Not too long after the conversation, God reminded me of the things I get to do for my two step daughters and the love I have for them. I may not be their mom, but I do mom things for them. I show up when they need me and they love me too. 

My daughter loves her stepmom. She may not have the c-section scar to prove she gave birth to a child, but she has been loving, supporting, and providing for my daughter from the moment she chose to step into the picture. She does mom things without the title or accolades. That afternoon, I apologized to my ex-husband and his wife for my hurtful words and drove our girl to their house to spend the afternoon with them. 

In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul says we should “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” 

I am constantly working to apply this verse to my life and learn how to co-parent the way God wants me to: with humility, patience, and love. Each parent in our blended family works hard at maintaining unity and peace. We make daily sacrifices to show grace and kindness to each other and trust that each of us has good intentions. Co-parenting well is a challenge, but it is possible.

No matter our parenting situation—single mom, married couple, or blended family—there are plenty of opportunities to parent with humility. We’re called to show love and respect to everyone, including those who are helping us raise our children and our children themselves. It not only sets a positive example for our children in how to love others well, but it honors God.