Fighting for Love in a Porn Affected Marriageনমুনা

Before moving to the United States, I had always wanted to go on a road trip like the ones in movies. So, six months after moving here, we packed up and set off in search of adventure. The journey did not disappoint. One bitterly cold morning in Colorado, the freeway was suddenly filled with what looked like thousands of cotton wool balls. To our right there was a sheer drop so we couldn’t drive around. We hit the dip filled with frozen hail at 80 miles an hour and began to spin. It wasn’t anything like the movies, everything didn’t happen in slow motion, but, somehow, we did a full three sixty and ended up facing in the right direction on the edge of the road at the exact moment an enormous eighteen-wheeler thundered past us. If we had stopped a couple of feet different in either direction and I would probably not be typing this today. Later that night, safely in our hotel room, we fell on our shaky knees and fervently thanked the Lord. Until that day I had never been one to think much about angels, but I know that we were divinely protected and kept in that narrow safe space solely by the hand of God. 

Getting into recovery for my husband’s porn addiction I experienced the same feeling of spinning precariously out of control, not knowing where we were going to land up. Any yet again, I sensed the hand of God holding me in a sweet spot of safety and protection.  He never allowed me to experience more than I could handle. He brought exactly the right people into my life at precisely the time I needed them. But most profoundly of all, He used my recent wounds as an entry point to go in and fix things inside of me that had been broken for a long time.

Looking back, I would never want to go through a near death or a near divorce experience again, nor would I wish them on anyone else, however, I can honestly say that both were a gift. Experience has taught me, and continues to teach me, that when everything in my world is spinning, there is One I can cling to. A mighty, loving Heavenly father who is in control of all weather, all parenting challenges, all addictions and all pandemics. 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)