Staying I Do: Committed, Connected & Crazy In Loveনমুনা

DON’T GO TO SLEEP ANGRY

One of the biggest tenets of our marriage code is to never go to sleep angry. Thankfully, we don’t fight or argue a lot, but on those rare and challenging occasions when we do, avoiding each other feels like the easiest thing to do in the moment. 

When we got married, we promised we would resolve whatever the day’s issues were that day rather than stringing them on to another day. Most of these types of arguments stemmed from frustrations or comments that nudged our no-insult rule, while others were usually unintentional hurt feelings. 

If your feelings are hurt by something your spouse likely didn’t even mean, take a moment and think about the grand scheme of things. Diffuse the urge to be offended. In the words of Cher, “If it doesn’t matter in five years, it doesn’t matter.”

In addition to the “no going to sleep angry” agreement, we also agreed to a “no couch” rule. We did not get married to argue. We did not get married to be apart. We wanted there to be no room for division in our marriage and that meant not giving any space to hurt, anger, bitterness, or resentment to set up camp and grow. 

For over half of our married life, we have had roommates and or family members living with us. Nothing helps to hold you to your word like other people watching. Having that kind of accountability was probably a blessing in disguise. We didn’t see it as such at the time, but looking back, we appreciate how it helped us uphold this standard.

Now, we all would like our marriages to resemble fields of flowers and we can strive toward that. But when a fire breaks out and threatens that field, when something breaks in the relationship, our loyalty to our spouse is tested. 

When you disagree, keep the fight clean. Stay on-topic and deal with one issue at a time. Don’t pull the trigger on peripheral areas that make your spouse hurt deeply simply to appease your ego. There will be far more jewels in your crown from leaving these types of things unsaid.