Wild Life—Start Really Livingনমুনা

Presence Over Performance

I’m Will, and I’ll never forget the day I got on the performance treadmill. 

It was Sunday, only minutes after my 6th Grade city basketball championship game. I hadn’t scored less than 20 points a game all year, but I had just scored only four points for our first loss of the season. For the entire ride home, my biggest cheerleader—my dad—didn’t say a word to me.

Actually, he didn’t speak to me for the next three days.

My 12-year-old brain came to the simple conclusion that if I didn’t perform on the court, I wouldn’t have my dad’s approval. Haven’t we all experienced something like this? Too many of us live with a deep, maybe hidden, simple conclusion that if we’re not winning at school, jobs, finances, spirituality, or relationships, we’ll be rejected.

I started to present myself as the guy who only ever won. I wouldn’t let people get to know the real me because what if they didn’t approve? Life became a performance.

Here’s what I wish I knew then: My father’s response was more about his own identity battles than my true worth. Still, it took more than 20 years to shake it off. Then one day, I shared a failure with my cousin, and he said, “Wow. I never opened up to you because I thought you were perfect and you’d judge me.”

Next, I looked at the Bible, and I didn’t find anything about getting God’s approval by always winning. It was also short of passages about “doing more” to please God. Instead, I heard God say I am already accepted (Romans 15:7), called (Ephesians 1:4), chosen, and loved (Colossians 3:12) because of Christ. 

Does my story stir up anything in you? Whatever happened or didn’t happen for you—performing better, always winning, and doing more will never be enough.

Ask God to show you when you started trying to perform. Start talking with a friend about the real you, failures included. Then, let God’s words about you define you.

Will, pastor, basketballer, son

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Pray: God, who am I really? Show me Your love and grace. Heal my past hurt and pain. Help me to trust You and others with my true self.