Wild Life—Start Really Livingনমুনা

Start Really Knowing God

About eight years ago. I sat in an empty house with a loaded and cocked .45 caliber pistol in my mouth. I was crying out to God because I didn’t want to go on living, but I was afraid of dying. For the past 15 years of my marriage, I had multiple affairs and a pornography addiction that had all come to light. I was losing everything and everyone. It felt like I couldn’t handle living even just one more day.

With my finger on the trigger, tears streaming down my face, I heard a still voice in my soul ask this simple question: “Am I enough.” I replied, “You haven’t been.” God lovingly asked again, “Am I enough if you lose everything? Your stuff, your reputation, and even your family? Am I enough?” 

Sitting there, with the steel numbing my mouth, I finally answered … “Yes, God. You’re enough.” He gently replied, “Then let’s move on together.”

Shortly after that experience, God helped me begin to make some drastic changes in my life. I joined a men’s group where I took a huge risk of being completely open and honest about my past and my struggles. I immersed myself in God’s truth daily, and I began asking God for help instead of constantly relying on myself. I found a Christian counselor who helped my wife and me start the rebuilding process. Lastly, I sought out deep inner healing for myself through a men’s retreat called Basecamp. 

Eight years later, my life is almost unbelievable. My wife and I aren’t just still together, but we actually regularly get to help other couples rebuild their marriages after an affair. The same group of men still keep me honest and have become my closest friends. After a successful career in the financial services industry, I took a scary pay cut and went into full-time ministry putting on retreats like the one that helped me. None of this happened immediately, but it all started with and is sustained by believing God is enough. Believe me—God really is enough. Those are not just cute Christian words. For me, they are life.

Trey, God-knower

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Pray: God, help me to really believe You are enough. You are the source of my strength, confidence, and hope. You alone are enough.